9-11 please state your emergency. My house is flooding! Dad, youre in the swimming pool.

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Roses are red , Violets are blue You little dumb ass bitch Ain't fuckin' with yoouuuuuu

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''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''

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Why can Randy Moss Jump so high? Because he trained to jump high.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean? Bob

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Why did Dom move to Wales? Because he is poor!

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a chicken and a rooster walk into a bar. and then walk out because a bar is no place for a chicken and a rooster.

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What did the kid say to the ice-cream Man Can I have a duck please

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why do midgets surf in kitchens? because of microwaves.

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Knock Knock Who's There Carly Carly Who Hey I just met you, and this is crazy So here's my number and call me maybe

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Why was the man's foot hurting? Because he was being fed into a wood chipper

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Q: What's red and bad for your teeth? A: Bricks.

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Out of Jill, Jason, Jesse, Jane and Harold, which one is the odd one out? Jason, because he only has one arm.

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Knock, knock. MAN: Who's there? ... MAN: Hello? Anyone out there? ... MAN: Must be the wind.

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Man #1:Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: I don't know Man #1: Because he died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: Because he died? Man #1: Yep. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: Really? Come on, I've already answered your stupid question. Man #1: JUST ANSWER! Man #2: Fine, because he died. Man #1: No, peer pressure. Duh. Man #2 promplty punches Man #1 in the face and continues about his buisness.

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To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If it wasnt for christmas We would all be jewish.

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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What scares little children and befriends their parents? A clown

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Q: what's red and blue and covered in piss? A: everything. I'm so sorry.

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what did the little boy say to his sibling? dat not funny!

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Why did the officer arrest the black man? Because he suspected him of littering. ...and because he was black.

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What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes back from camp.

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So a Buddhist said, "YOLO." ._.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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