How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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What did David's mom give him for his birthday? Nothing he hasn't seen her in eight years.

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What's white and horny? A unicorn

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A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."

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Your mothers so stupid she is retaking her college courses so she can get a better job and support her family.

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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If you spell "ChuckNorris" in scrabble, you get 22 points.

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Why did the horse say moo? Because it's a cow

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Person: hey buddy have you heard the greteat news Freind: yea you have aids Person: no my wife jusr became a pristatue an she had ten patients already i was her first

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What do you call a midget driving a train? A conductor

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Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

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A blind man walks into a bar, bystanders help him up.

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whats worse than 10 dead babies in a bucket 5 are alive and eating the others

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A man walks into a bar with a chicken on his head the bartender asks the man why do you have a chicken on your head the man replies the chicken is thirsty

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How many frogs does it take to change a light bulb None. Frogs lack the cranial capacity to change said lightbulb. If eventually by evolution they become smart enough to change lightbulbs, they may learn to handle machinery and pose a real threat to humans.

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A man jumped off a 30 story building. What did he learn? Nothing. He died instatly when he hit the ground.

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Showcasing you? Really? I am tired too, yeah its daytime here as well, sleep well then. Hey, by the way, when you where like posting a lot of weird comments, where you trying to impress me?

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There is a mom a dad and a son, they walk into the museum and the dad is in the bathroom.

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Is this the Krusty Krab? Nope, Chuck Testa.

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Q:How do you get better at boxing? A:Get a bigger package Daniel W. Schnurr

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says "You have to stop masturbating." The man says "What, why?!" The doctor says "So I can examine you."

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Why did the black man cross the road? He was going to meet up with his friend who happened to be Irish.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops