I got stopped for speeding the other day. The policeman said I had to pay a £50 fine. I was gutted. However, later that night I had amazing sex with my wife, which helped me to take my mind off things a bit.

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What did the white man say to the group of mexicans when a golf ball was coming toward them? 4!

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Whats bent but straight for danielle? Joseph Plummer

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What did the bank clerk say to the robber when he demanded all the money in the drawer? "Okay."

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What did the statue say to the other statue? stat-you?

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I scream, you scream, we all scream when hit by an ice cream truck

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A light bulb is very similar in shape to a pear. So, when you change a light bulb, don't replace it by a pear.

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He--Hey guys

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how do you make a plumber cry?.... kill his family

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when life gives you lemons... squeeze the juice into your eyes.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Ask me about my wiener. How's your wiener? I don't have a wiener, I'm a woman.

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What's the easiest way to get a cat out of a tree? Call the fire department and allow them to safely reach the cat and properly extract it from the tree while you watch from below.

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What's worse than farting in front of your boyfriend? Farting on your boyfriends pillow and giving him pink eye.

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Why are they the "living" daylights?

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Knock Knock Whos there? Rivkee Rivkee who? RIVKEEEEE FIRETRUCK!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well it all began in 1807 when a 7 foot rooster gave birth to a chicken on the sidewalk while purchasing ice cream. Scientists have been intrigued so they went into study with it and won the Nobel prize. This somehow persuaded them to lure the chicken over to the other side by using a lollipop. They threw the lollipop as the chicken crossed the road, hit it in the eye, the chicken spazzed out, jumped in front of a car, teleported to London, and is now a gynecologist.

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Q: How many dead babies does it take to fill a mixing bowl? A: There is an infinite amount of answers to this question depending on the sizes and shapes or the dead babies, so lets assume that an average would probably be about 4 babies that dies just as the left the mother.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why would the chicken cross a road

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What's the most confusing day in Mexico? Father's Day.

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My dog has no dictionary. How does he spell terrible?

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Waseem is such a hard worker on Anti Joke all day.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Q: What did the floor say to the Christmas tree? A: Your balls are hanging.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops