- Anti Joke

Roses are wilting violets are wilting YOU HAD ONE JOB

Two horses were discussing their racing records. The first said, "In my whole life I had won ten races." The second horse says, "Well, I've won twelve of those!" A greyhound trotting by chimes in, "Not bragging guys, but in my career, I've won twenty!" "Unbelievable!" exclaimed both horses. "It's a talking dog!"

Why did the baby cross the road? he was taped to the chicken

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

Why did a kid throw a clock out the window? Because he was adopted

There's a donut on a cruise ship and he goes up to the captain and he's like "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain goes "nope, come back tomorrow" so the next day the donut goes up to the captain and says "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain replies "nope, come back tomorrow" so the next day the donut goes up to the captain and he's like "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain says "NO!" and throws him over board Theres a couple on the cruise ship and the man was going to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and propose. So he was showing his bestfriend (who was also on the cruise ship) the ring. But was he pulled it out the wind picked up and the ring fell over board. So the man was forced to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and couldn't propose. So they go to dinner and the both get crab. And when they open up the crab and guess what's in the crab?! Not the ring the donut!!!

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

What do you call a black man that is on fire? A Man on Fire. The fact that he is black has no relevance in this situation.

How do you get dislikes on anti-joke.com? You can dislike your own post from several different IP addresses.

Q. What's yellow and sour? A. Not a banana

Roses are purple violets are green I am color blind shut up

what has 2 legs and no eyes? A decapitated cat with only its lower half remaining

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? One, its not a difficult task.

Why did the pedophile go to the park? He lost his dog.

If you call Dani a dog one more time, lick a gooch nut suckers. XoXo Jamie <3

What benefits came from the September 11th attacks? None. It was one of the most horrific tragedies in American History

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. They order drinks, then leave without speaking to each other. It was pure coincidence they walked into the bar at the same time. They had no connections to each other, them being from three different countries.

What building has the most stories? The Burj Khalifa.

why was six afraid of seven? because seven threatened to kill him and his family.

A man walks into a bar with a frown on his face His dog just died

your mom is so fat that she had to start going to a gym to exercise and get her weight under control.

What's green and runs through the forest? - A pack of cucumbers. What's wrong with that? - Cucumbers aren't pack animals.

One early Christmas morning i went downstairs. My mother told me that she had gotten me the ultimate stocking stuffer. It was a foot

Yo mommas so dumb she took an IQ test and scored low on it

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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