A baby seal walks into a club. It is eventually beaten to death and eaten.

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roses are red, violets are blue, im a bad poet, text me. LMFAO

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way. ernkso

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Why shouldn't you tell a joke during an earthquake. Cause it is not the time nor the place to tell a joke

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What's so similar about a zombie and a black man? They are both almost human.

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Can we still mine for gold in the American River? No, anyone seen mining for gold is considered a hobo and all the gold is cleared out by random people in the 17 century

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Roses are red,violets are blue, i love the colour red and green but its a pitty because im not so keen.

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A blonde takes a test. She scores higher than her Asian friend.

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What's the correct way to eat spaghetti? Put it in your mouth.

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Why wasn't 7 afraid of 6? Numbers are numbers and therefore incapable of feeling any emotion.

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Why did the child say he had been a ubused. Answer: because he had been.

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Why couldn't the melons get married? As gay cantaloupes, their jurisdiction didn't allow for same-sex marriage.

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because ti was stapled to the chicken.

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roses are red violets are blue polar bears are white grass tends to be green

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, I was asking you.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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On Wednesday night, a drunk man was walking on the cliffs of dover. his funeral was saturday.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? We will never know because he got hit by a car.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your neighbor. My neighbor who? I told you already, it's pronounced "Wu" I'm very sorry Mr. Wu.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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What did the Triceratops get for his birthday? Nothing. Dinosaurs are extinct.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?" the horse then says nothing because horses cannot talk, only humans can talk.

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Do not use your phone, I repeat DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE, at this point we do not know enough, as for this kid, he is about two minutes from getting his ass locked in a nice prison, I told them he does not know anything, and I will make sure he does not squeal, you should be good, even if I got to take care of him.

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Whats the difference between a bench and a black man? A bench is an inanimate object incapable of speech, emotion, or thought process.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops