Guy 1: Ask me if I have a banana in my ear. Guy 2: Do you have a banana in your ear? Guy 1: Sorry I can't hear you I have a banana in my ear

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Joe: Hey, why are your counters all red and your blender looks broken? Me: The same reason why Mrs. Johnson's baby is missing. ajl

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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Why did the little girl miss 7 straight days of school? She died.

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So, Ryan Dunn was driving under the influence of alcohol. The result of this action proved to be fatal for both Ryan and his passenger; who happened to be his close and personal friend.

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he's usually in a good mood.

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Q: How did Helen Keller cross the street? A: She walked.

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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Q: Have you ever seen Ray Charles wife? A: Nethier has he.

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Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Green paint.

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Why was the man arrested? He assaulted and raped an elderly woman at the local Walmart. He then proceeded to hijack the poor woman's Scooter and lead police on a 4 mile long car chase.

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It's not ok to have intercourse with a woman who say's "No!" But what about "Let go of me!"?

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chuck norris was shot yesterday... tomorrow is the bullets funeral.

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What do you call a fat guy? A fata*s mothaf*cka

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Whats a lion in Antartica? . Dead

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Roses are red, Violates are blue. I have an erection, and its lasted more then three hours

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What did George Washington say to Genghis Khan? Nothing they are both dead.

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Q:Why is the WMBA so unsuccessful? A:Barely anyone watches it

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quantum physics?

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PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN cil you have such a dirty mind

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Why did the tomato fall off the swing? Because tomatoes don't have arms.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? several.

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How did the Mexican get into the united States of America? He was an american citizen, just of mexican descent.

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Why did the black man take the watermelon? Because he bought it, and watermelons are delicious.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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