- Anti Joke

One day Jesus said to John, " come forth and recieve everlasting life." Sadly John came in fifth and won a toaster.

What's better then 100 dead babies in a barrel 1 dead baby in 100 barrels

Why did nobody like Anne? She was disabled

ok, so a blue flower in a meadow dances valiantly, while being watched by a chipmunk. the king of the sky fairies ate an apple and a chicken and a pear, and a cumkwuat and frog legs and a bone and a library and a jeep and fig and a rhino and a sword but fairies don't have that big of mouths to eat all of that, so this never happened

Three children had stumbled into an old cottage where they were met by a wizard. The wizard pointed out a slide in the corner of his cottage. He told the children that they could each go down the slide and that they could shout out a word while sliding. He told them that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "GOLD" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of solid gold. Due to its extreme hardness the child was killed immediately on impact.

A duck walked up to a lemonade stand. The owner of the stand marveled at how close such an adorable duck was to him and proceeded to sell lemonade undisturbed.

What do you do when a blond throws a grenade at you? Take the pin out and throw it back. Then look down and realize there's still an active grenade in your hand. You've just become the joke

How do you get a black man to run? Ask him how his day has been, catch up on some memories of your time at school together, then challenge him to a foot race.

while in iraq i bought a brand new iphone from the black market...it was only $250....its was doing fantastic until i got a text...i herd a loud beeping noise and the it exploded in my pocket and now i no longer have a penis.

A: If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test? B: A test can be many things: 1. A procedure for critical evaluation; a means of determining the presence, quality, or truth of something; a trial: a test of one's eyesight; subjecting a hypothesis to a test; a test of an athlete's endurance. 2. A series of questions, problems, or physical responses designed to determine knowledge, intelligence, or ability. 3. A basis for evaluation or judgment: "A test of democratic government is how Congress and the president work together" (Haynes Johnson). 4. Chemistry a. A physical or chemical change by which a substance may be detected or its properties ascertained. b. A reagent used to cause or promote such a change. c. A positive result obtained. 5. A cupel. A: Oh.

¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ _________________________________________ That's a road. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot that made this joke, me. And what did the idiot do? He ate it with barley. There was food poisoning. Where did the idiot's vomit go? In yo poo.

Why was Mr. Smith always so sad at the block party? His uncle molested him as a child, when he was 10 he finally told his mother. His mother and father later fought if they should tell the police, the mother wanted him to go to jail, and the dad didn't want to ruin his family because the uncle was his brother, and the uncle had children. Right before his mother would call the police his father stabbed her in the back, mr smith saw what happened. Him and his father hid his mothers body and mr smith"s dad told him if he tells anyone about this he will kill him. Years later when mr smith was 13 he went on drugs to ease the pain, he later became an addict, and dropped out of school. He know suffers from depression and has killed all 3 of his wives. He is wanted in many middle eastern countries. So when ever he goes to sleep he has the same dream were him mom offers him pot and right before he gets it his dad stabs her in the back. So know mr smith is sad at the block party because he will kill himself later tonight.

What's the name of Hellen keller's dog? She doesn't have a dog, she's blind and deaf and would not be able to give it the adequate amount of care. Additionally, it's morally reprehensible to make fun of Helen Keller.

I see, listen, we can all get affected by how the world perceives us at times, but the thing is, that if you allow others perception of you to become yours, then you lose yourself, then it does not matter how intelligent, resourceful, wise insightful (etc etc) you are, because it becomes what you where. You are struggling friend, and yes I am biased, you are a woman and I myself often see men as mere obstacles standing in the way for my ladies. Says a lot about me huh? Then again, we are all biased, its not something we can correct, but something we have to accept, only then can we take control over our own "bias", and use it solely to our advantage in order to excel at what we do. I find myself at loss for words, I mean believe me, I personally believe that men that consider other men superior to women, should get themselves a boyfriend instead, and also that they have clearly forgotten that line in that pretty cool movie 300. "Only women give birth to strong men". So ask yourself, do you truly consider yourself inferior because you are an attractive woman? Or are you allowing others to convince you again out of free will, or in other words, letting them get to you? Remember friend, how you choose to perceive yourself is always, ALWAYS a choice, but our society worldwide is structured in a matter, where the choice to allow others to define us rather than to seek for answers within us and change what we do not like and embrace what we love about ourselves, is well... Not an easy one, the world is about the survival of the fittest, but if we define ourselves and our values at the fittest and succeed, others will seek to follow us, people like us are not meant to become athletes nor artists that reach long distances solely to gain the praise of others and worthless gold medals that prove that we showed the world how many times we where willing to run around in circles inspired solely by their praise. Keep that in mind, remember who you truly are, and if you have become what others have told you, you can always change that for what you truly, deeply want. So as for practical advice, I suggest you reveal to "your people" that you are female, how you convey that, is the only thing that truly matters as hard as it is to realize and accept this at times. Will you walk towards them head hanging and say "sorry I am a woman"? Or will you show them what a wonderful thing that is? (How you convey that, well, I have a hard time thinking as a woman, and I am not too bothered by that to be sincere). The key there, is that you cannot fool people without fooling yourself, you have to see yourself as the wonderful woman that you are, in order to convey it. Cant say I feel too good about myself now, I would not hesitate to break a man in two if the alternative means me or those I care about getting hurt, but I had no idea I was throwing so much shit at a woman.

Pick a number between 2 and 8. Now multiply that number by 9. Now add the 2 digits of that answer together. (example 18 is 1+8) Now subtract that answer number by 5. Now choose the letter below that corresponds to that answer. 1 = A 2 = B 3 = C 4 = D 5 = E 6 = F Now pick a country that starts with that letter. Now pick an animal where the first letter of the animals name is the last letter of the country's name. Now think of a color where the first letter of the colors name is the last letter of the animals name. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Are you thinking of an orange kangaroo from Denmark?

What's black and white and red all over. Nothing, that's a contradiction.

Yo mama so fat she at the rest of this joke.

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory? A: It's hard to say. HR can not discuss the details of her termination, and the blonde signed a non-discloure agreement. She has since relocated to Biloxi with her family and is doing quit well.

what's the only thing worse than losing a pen before a test? getting raped by a pedifile. -teagan doherty-

What do u say to someone u don't like? I thought I'd let u no tht I don't like u...

Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a truck. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. Why did Sally fall of the swings? She had no arms. Why didn't Jimmy help her up? Jimmy is a fish. There's a guy with no arms and no legs who loves to swim. What's his name? Bob. Ya know Bob's twin brother is in the same condition. He loves to play in the leaves. And what's his name? Russell. Why couldn't Sally swing on the swing? She had no arms. What did the girls mom tell her to do before she went to bed? Go to bed. How do you wake up Will Ferrell? You set his alarm clock to a reasonable hour. What did the fat man who had his car stolen tell the police? Someone stole my car.

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? He got many things, because everyone felt bad for him. Someone even brought him into their house so he could have Christmas dinner. On Christmas Day someone gave him fifty dollars to spend on food for his family. Only thing is, he didn't have a family.

How to find if your overweight? Ask your friend to make a big clay volcano, out of baking soda and vinegar. While its erupting if you're too busy eatin five course dinner. FAT

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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