Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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When life throws you lemons, Throw grenades.

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Roses are niggas Violets are niggas I'm lil Wayne niggas rhymes with niggas

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What did the black girl say when sho dropped her phone? Oh crap, I dropped my phone.

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Yo momma is so fat that she is in the guinness records

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What is the first letter of the alphabet? A. a B. 7 C. Mustard gas D. Because a penguin has 2 legs

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Why couldnt rex bark??? because he was a fish!

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John: Hey Debbie, do you wanna go see a movie with me? Dina: My name is Dina

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Why did Dracula cross the road? To get to the other unbitten virgin.

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A man walks into a house, and the next day was taken to the hospital for a minor concussion and a possible vision deficiency.

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A man walks into a police station with a gun... He is there to turn it in, he found it on the side of the road and realized that this situation would best be handled by the proper authorities.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? Because her mother inadvertently left the gate open while gardening.

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An elephant walks into a bar. It was so big that it broke a lot of things.

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JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN WHAT'S THE ANSWER?! WHAT DO YAH MEAN YA DUNNO?!

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Knock Knock Who's there? Who Who who? Hoodini

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What did Hitler say to the Nazis? I have a mustache.

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What do you call a chicken with no feathers, no guts, and no head? Fried chicken

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Two elves walk into a bar. The hobbit laughs and walks under it.

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A neutron walks into a bar. The barman says, "for you, no charge." The neutron replies, "very funny asshole, you're just going to put it on my tab after I pass out."

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank

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why did the kid sit alone at lunch? he had no friends

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What's worse than finding The Holocaust in your apple? Most things, because that's impossible.

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Why did the pirate have a peg leg? Diabetes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops