Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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Why couldn't the black man be an astronaut? He was not qualified for the Job

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roses are red, violets are blue, {insert name here} is f**ked up, (s)he want to have sex with you

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Why did the chicken cross the road? For a legitimate reason

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What happened to the man who poo'd too much? He started to eat less because his bowell movements started to cause him serious pain.

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What's worse than a bee sting? A large number of things ranging from getting stung by two bees to falling off a cliff.

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Have u seen Ray Charles' piano "no" neither did he

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Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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The Dali Lama walks into a pizza parlor and asks the owner to make him one with everything. After 20 minutes or so the owner brings the Dali Lama a pizza with every available topping. After he finished eating the Dali Lama thanked the owner and left a nice tip.

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Why did the crossing guard drop his whistle? Because a kid got hit by a passing elephant.

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What hurts more than a bee sting? Child birth.

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Why is the melon having a wedding? Because it cantaloupe.

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Roses are red violets are red bushes are red oh shit my garden is on fire

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Whats black and blue and red all over? An infant after its been beaten with a bat.

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What did the cat say when it was hungry? Meow.

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My grandmother just called to tell me she was dying................. to have sex with me.

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Why can't Benitio Mussolini win the war? Becuase he's dead.

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-Bumper Sticker- Honk if you love Jesus. (Text while driving if you want to meet him)

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What's the difference between a tree and a lamp? One is a tree, one is a lamp.

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What did the rug say to the floor? I got you covered

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Why did god make women? Because women are equally important when it comes to the birth to maintain or species.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Physics. Why did Tommy fall of his bike? He was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops