What's big, black, and impossible to swallow? A parking lot. Among many other things.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the blind man laugh at the book. He didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What did the single woman get for Christmas? Raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What did Marsha say when she ate the apple pie? Nothing. It would be rude for her to talk with her mouth full.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Your mothers so stupid she is retaking her college courses so she can get a better job and support her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's green, little, and eats rocks? A Little Green Rock-Eater What's green and has a thousand wheels? A lawn, I lied about the wheels! If I were to throw a rock down the a whole in the center of the earth (straight through) what would happen? The Little Green Rock-Eater would eat it!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

-Knock Knock -Who's there? -It's just Linda from nextdoor. -Oh hi Linda come on in.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Faith, Family, Friends, those are three words.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. But it wasn't actually getting bigger, it was just getting closer. So I got hit in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

So I have an idea that will solve both world population and hunger problems! I call it the Omni-Abortion law. The idea is that all babies must be aborted and then eaten. Progressive, right?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

star wars kid

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What's the best part about the school burning down? All the children trapped inside never had to grow up

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

It's okay we all love you, except me, and everyone else.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How does micheal Jackson know when it's bed time? When the big hand touches the little hand.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Think of a number, add it by 7, subtract it by 2, and multiply it by 4. Now close your eyes, isn't it dark?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Your mmma is so stupid when we said the drinks were in the house. She went looking for them!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

roses are red violets are blue some poems are good and some don't

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? Trees can't jump

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's the best example of an anti-joke? This one.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Bacon makes everything delicious, yes? And coffee makes everything exciting, yes? Put the two together and you get a caffeinated porky roller coaster in your mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops