i like my rose red and my diamonds blue your screamin mercy so did ur mom but i killed her to

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What happens if you fell off a 600 foot cliff? You die.

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Ol-ive

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you go to cvs and theres a robber trying to shoot everyone and the cashier says do you have a rewards card

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Two men were patients at a mental institution. One was named Dave, the other named John. Dave very quietly said, "Hello, my name is Dave, and I have a violent form of phonophobia, so please do not-" "DICK!" Dave promptly strangled John. John had Tourettes Syndrome.

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Why did the car stop working. The owner was unable to pay the outrageous price for gasoline and was forced to ride a bicycle to and fromvwork every day. Over the course of several months without being run, the engine seized and was forever broken.

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A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

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A man is pulled over for drunk driving, and is asked to say the alphabet backwards. When requested to do so, the man says, "officer, I can't even do that when I'm sober," thus admitting that he is drunk. The police officer chuckles at the drunk man's stupidity, and wonders whether or not his wife would find the incident funny. After all, they do share a similar sense of humor.

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What did the Insomniac, Dyslexic Priest do? He stayed up all night wondering if there really is a Dog.

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What do you call a man with no arms and half an eye? Larry -Jack Sparrow

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Knock! Knock! Who's there? Russel. Russell who? Russell Johnson. Oh, come in.

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What do you call cheese that is not yours? It depends on the type of cheese.

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A duck walks into a grocery store. He looks at the shopkeeper, who then grabs a broom and shoos him back outdoors.

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A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to give him any drink. The bartender gives him the drink and the customer instantly dies. Another person in the bar asked the bartender what dring did you give him. He answered back.....poison

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What happens when a monkey eats banana. It throws them up and gets some blueberry pie.

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What happens when you put a baby, a dog and a cat in the same bag They will all most likely suffocate if left in the bag too long

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What did the man with candy say to the little boy? I have Candy.

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Q: How do you know what will happen when the world willl end? A: by experience

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Did you hear about the monkey in the tree? Oh no wait. It was a lizard.

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What do you call a woman with two black eyes? Irish sunglasses

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What do I hate? people

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What do you call four black people in a car? A family road trip.

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what did the jew get for Christmas? cancer. and aids

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Ah, sorry for my failed attempt at being a witty. Yes, it has been a long day, or so the saying goes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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