Two men walk into a bar and begin ordering drinks. Both men engage in polite conversation with each other. At the end of the night they each take taxi's home because they realize the potential risk they pose to others if they drive intoxicated.

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What did the man on the moon say? Nothing. He died because his supply of oxygen ran out.

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Yo momma, she so fat, she needs to buy extra-large clothes.

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Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? I dont have a ferrari in my garage!

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Do you know why the Mexican didn't like hot dogs? I don't know either.

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whats not funny and has access to a computer and reasonable internet? Me

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An eleven year old boy walks into a bar... he is searching for his father, who has a known alchol problem, and has been missing for five days.

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An Anthony eats a juicy pickle.

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How many blondes can you fit in a car? About 5 if you lift the arm rest.

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Whats the difference between a black baby and a white baby? 15 minutes in the oven.

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Q: whats the difference between a t.v and a dead baby? A: i don't have a t.v in my garage

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A white man a black man a french man and a mexican are on a sinking ship. The French man says "we have too many of these" and throws a bunch of begets over board. The Black man says "we have too many of these" and throws a bunch of red hot cheetos overboard The Mexican man says "we have too many of these" and throws a bunch of Tacos over board. And then the White man says "we have too many of these" and throws the Mexican man overboard

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One man calls emergency: - Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom! After five minutes, the same man calls back: - It is OK, I found another one.

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What is annoying and uses another language? Spanish class!

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roses are red violets are green id love to flick owen cliffords mams bean

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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A man walks into a bar, and he died.

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If it wasnt for christmas We would all be jewish.

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How did the car get a dent? Terrorists bombed the house next to it

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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A man walks into a bar. He then says "ow".

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what do you call a blind man who buys a caller i.d.? handicapped

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KNOCK KNOCK whos there Malcom i dont know any Malcom go away!

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so today, i was walking along, and i noticed that it was sunny outside.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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