Why did the man burp? Because gases escaped from his stomach and came out of his mouth.

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What’s the best part about winning a gold medal? Nothing. You’re on acid and staring straight at the sun.

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a priest, a bishop and a cardinal walk into bar to hand out pamphlets about alcoholism

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A basket full of puppies can do anything, except put out a fire.

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A jew walks into a bar. The bartender says "get out you jew!" The bar tender apparently was a Nazi.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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Why didn't the blond walk into the bar? Because she saw 2 other people get hurt so she ducked

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A black man is playing guitar for a white man and a chinese man. After he is finished playing the white man and chinese man compliment him on his nice playing.

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Why did the man float in the lake? Because he was dead.

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Q .What robin told to batman before they got into the car? A. Get into the car!!

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What do you call a Black Comedian? Funny, You Racist.

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A three legged dog walks into a saloon. He is quickly removed, as it was an establishment for humans and not for dogs.

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There once was a man from Nantucket who secluded himself from the outside world because of a tragic event that happened to him as a child.

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A rat scurries into a bar. Six days later, all of the people in that bar die of bubonic plague.

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What do you call a Mexican mixed with a platypus? a pineapple

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How do you make a Fireman cry? You kill his family in a fire.

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What side of the cheetah has the most spots? -The outside.

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A black guy walks in to a bar.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I suck at poems, nice tits

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Why is the sky red in London? Fire.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One, it's just a lightbulb

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What's the best part about Africa? Nothing.

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I once bought a pack of batteries but they weren't included.

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So Lindsay Lohan walks into a jewelry store. She buys a $2,500 necklace and goes on her way.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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