Two ducks are in a pond. The one duck asks, "Can you pass the soap?" The other duck says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

son, you're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose name was Mike

thumb_up thumb_down -32

This guy walks up to the bartender, and says to him, " ill bet you $100 that i can piss in this cup from 20 ft away." The bartender laughs, thinking hes gonna get an easy 100 bucks. he says "ok, u do that and ill watch." the guy says "ok but one second." he then walks over to this table full of guys and the bartender see him and them whispering and shaking heads. then the guys walks back over, and says to the bartender, "ok here i go" then he whips out his wang and starts pissing all over the place,all over the bartender, the counter, everywhere but the cup. Meanwhile the bartenders laughing, because he thinks he made some easy money. then the bartender asks the guy for his money and the guy says, "alright one minute." then the guys walks over to the table full of guys and they al start pulling out money and give it to him. so the guy walks over to the bartender and says, "here you are, your 100 bucks" the bartender notices him smileing and says "u just lost 100 bucks why are you happy?" and the guy says, " you see that table full of guys over there? well, i bet them all $500 dollars that i could piss all over you, your counter and all of your things, and that youd not only be happy about it, but youd laugh!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What happened when the terrorist with a bomb went into a school. He blew up and everyone died.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Do you want to hear a knock knock joke? (Yes) Okay, you start. (Knock knock). Who's there? ...

thumb_up thumb_down -36

what did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? a bike

thumb_up thumb_down -38

A duck walked up to a bad hearing drug dealer, and dealer asked duck, "What you do want?" A duck said, "Quack!" So dealer gave duck a crack

thumb_up thumb_down -40

knock, knock no one answers man goes home and shots himself because he feels alone

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Q. Why did the koala bear go to court? A. Because too many people were referring to it as a bear when it is infact not a bear.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I'm on the seafood diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

A man was drowning in a lake and so he asked God to save him. A man on a boat came by and said to the drowning man "Do you need any help?" The drowning man said "Yes! Thank God a boat came for me!" So the man on the boat pulled the man from the water and saved him.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Want to hear a joke? Sorry, you're looking at the wrong website.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Your mother is so fat, that she's working really hard to get back in shape so that she can support her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

your matriarchal component is so overweight that her body mass index is over the desired level for her height and age

thumb_up thumb_down +65

I know a lady who is SOOO fat that when she steps into the ocean, she gets her toes wet!

thumb_up thumb_down +59

A pornstar walks into a church, she has remained close to Christ despite her condescending career choice.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

You know what happens when you assume. You jump to a conclusion that could conceivably have severe consequences.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because its head is so far away from its shoulders.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

You are the third derivative of the position function.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What was the latino gardener doing? Working hard to keep his job in these tough economic times.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What do you call a black guy flying an airplane? A pilot, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Roses are green Violets are yellow I have mental problems Doobah haga Blakatrabbit

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops