Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall? A: Fish don't have vocal cords that allow them to speak in a way discernable by humans, and if they did, it would just sound garbled and bubbly due to their being underwater.

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What did the viking say to the alien? "Vad i namn av valhalla är en utlänning gör här?"

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A. why'd the chicken cross the road? B.a dog got hit by a bus.

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whats better than 1,000,000 dollars? 1,000,001 dollars

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Once there was this duck. he was the best dentist in the world...

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Your mother is so fat that when she goes to the movies, she usually orders popcorn and maybe a drink.

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Jon waits in his driveway for a bit then rides off to a lemonade stand but doesn't stop because the stand is surrounded by police who have arrested the kids at the stand for selling spiked lemonade. He continues past the stand and goes somewhere else (probably Subway).

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What did the depressed teenage fat kid do to resolve his issues? Commited suicide.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Everyone on antijoke that steals what I write go to hell My toaster has down syndrom.

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What did the chicken do? He crossed the road.

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How does a Welshman take a shit? Like anyone other human being does.

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Three gay men are in a bath tub and bubbles come up and one says "who farted?"

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What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics ? Not being disabled

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If a canoe is stuck in a tree with its headlights on, howmany pancakes does it take to cover the roof of my house? False, snakes don't have armpits!

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Roses are red Violets are blue You just lost the game UMAD Bro?

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An Irishman walks into a club. "Ow, that was almost as painful as that time I walked into a bar."

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A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? When a picnic is postponed due to rain, or hired entertainment becomes unavailable at the last minute due to illness, or a book ends badly having started out well.

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Just aids, and gonnoreah, and... Jk, I wont type it here, and I am not "suffering" from nothing, its a condition, it can be a struggle, and yeah it could turn fatal, on the bright side its not contagious (its genetics, flawed genetics) but on the bright side, so far chances are greater of me dying from a giant meteor falling on me as I sleep, than from this... Not disease, genetic flaw, take it from a guy that was born without toenails, has two eardrums and some weird tiny holes on his ears (I can send you a pic of those tiny weird holes, they are not weird, kinda cute I been told and can say so myself) so you calm yet?

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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what did the man with Alzheimer's say to his son? who are you!?

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Playing hide and seek with Dennis Ferguson

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Horse.

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What is the difference between a seal and an armadillo? They are both aquatic animals, except for the armadillo.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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