When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the world, He broke his foot because every human being that kicks such a solid structure would break their foot.

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why did the clown cross the road? to kill everyone in the dark knight midnight premiere

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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There's this traveling merchant from Flint, MI. He goes door to door trying to sell shampoo. He is having a lot of trouble selling shampoo in Flint because they were hit hard during the recession and now ahve trouble affording even the most seemingly cheap products.

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A Mayor accidently killed one of the citizens of his town through dangerous driving. He could not be charged with murder, as it was an accident, but there was an uproar, and he was humiliated beyond question and forced out of office straight away. Even his family rejected him, owing to the fact that the unfortunate citizen he struck was his son's girlfriend.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

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What happens when a bunch of animals break into your house... they eat you.

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Hey Patrick what am i ? Ebola No im Texas! What's the difference?

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Don't count your eggs before you put them in a basket.

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A man was shot. He died.

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Its over 9000 penises and they're all raping little children!!!!!

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awkward moment when someone pretends to be Mr. Bear and stuffs up his own joke

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What do we call Osama? Osama

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Yo Mama just died.

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Why did the duck cross road? It didn't, it got ran over.

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So this chick meets a guy at a bar. They never greet each other and the drive home sober.

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What's the difference between a trash can full of dead babies and a Porsche? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

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Joke: two polar bears were in a bath tub. One said "pass the soap." And the other one said "no soap, radio!"

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The average man ejaculates at 40mph, which is why its safer to hit a child at 30mph

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how many Amish men does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the likelihood of an Amish man needing to change a lightbulb is very slim.

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You know you're a redneck when you come from a rural area and behave as such.

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Curiosity killed the cat, Oh wait, I thought the dog did.

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Q: Why did the Creeper explode? A: Cause you invaded and took his land that was rightfully his. He's not the monster, You are!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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