A man runs over a woman wth his car. Whose fault was it? The man because he should be driving on the roads, not in the kitchen.

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I got shot, you laughed

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- Knock Knock - Whos there? - No one

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Why did the kid fail the test? Because he was retarded.

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Why did German shower heads have eleven holes? Because jews only have ten fingers.

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Women's rights

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Why don't blind people skydive? They do.

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What's the difference between a zombie, a vampire and a werewolf? One is a zombie, one is a vampire and one is a werewolf.

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Knock knock Who's there? Me. Idiot.

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A blind woman walks into a bar... she stands there confused because she is blind and can't tell what going on.

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Are you well? No, I'm not a well, I'm a person.

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Q: what do polo bears have for lunch A: iceburger

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Why did the sixteen year old girl get an abortion? She didn't want the responsibility of raising a child

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husband : honey , can i have stuff candy wife : no husband : can i have milk and cookies wife : what kind of milk wink wink husband 2% you pervert

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how many letters are in Montana? 7 yes

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penis

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Because he wasn't invited.

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How did two Jews react when they saw a quarter on the sidewalk? They agreed to donate it to charity.

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your all shit at jokes

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What time is it? 10:58

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you, me and i need to stop doing meth!

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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The Aristocrats

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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