Why did they chicken cross the road? It didn't. A van ran it over when it was halfway across.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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There's now a sandwich named after Jerry Sandusky, it's got 60 year old meat stuffed between buns barely out of the oven.

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Why did the boy get hit by a bus? HE didn't. He watched where he was going.

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How many Polacks does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One. A person's ethnicity or country of origin, or religion for that matter, would have no bearing on one's ability to perform the relatively simple task of installing a light-bulb. Furthermore, there is no reason to use the negative slur 'polack' when referring to a person of Polish descent.

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A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

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Why did the duck cross the road? Because he wanted to. Problem, AntiJoke community?

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If Tiger Woods is Asian and Black what is he? A golfer!

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam...

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What is the difference between and Jew and a Boy Scout? The Boy Scout comes back from camp.

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Why does life hand you lemons? Because it sucks enough, so it wants you to have some.

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A man is at the doctor's waiting to be examined. The doctor walks into the room and takes one look at the man. The Doctor says, "You will need to stop masturbating." The man looks at him and says, "What, why?" The doctor says, "so that I can examine you"

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That's funnier than a zebra climbing the Eiffel tower with Bill Clinton on the 4th night of quanza

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Johnny Manziel is the best quarter ever (this isn't a joke just a true statement)

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How are friends and trees alike? They fall down when you hit them with an ax.

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What is the Pirates favorite letter? C

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How do you make an onion cry? Onions are incapable of crying

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How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Eight, because there's one tickle per tentacle!

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A cat jumped into a swimming pool It drowned and was cremated.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay boys house. Knock knock! whose there? The chicken!!

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your best friend. No it's not, you stupid repo man...I'M NOT OPENING THE DOOR.

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What's wrong with black people? They tend to make mistakes, as do all humans

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Why was the black man running? Because he was playing capture the flag.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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