- Anti Joke

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

An Unicorn walks into a club, the bartender promised to quit drugs and thanks to that his family didn't fall apart and he lived happily till he was 89 when he passed away surrounded by loved ones.

What did the black man say to the white man? Hello.

Santa Clogged my toliet

Situation. A man trying to find meaning in his life. Question. Why are desieses not colorful, and tasty. Answer. Adolf Hitler and his ice cream songs that he sings on sunday mornings during brunches.

Whats worse than bad sex. Being nice raped in the anus by a teletubby.

In soviet Russia... there is a distinct probability that you will get mugged due to the high crime rate and gang ruled streets.

A lady in a bank was asked by the clerk to round the sum she wanted to raise from her account. She rounded it several times, but the clerk continued to insist that the sum needs to be rounded. She left the bank confused, with a coupon consisting of completely rounded sum of 691, 88$. Next day she returned with a coupon with a rounded sum of 690,88$. The clerk asked again the lady to round the sum. The lady started helplessly to cry and said she had rounded is already with a harp, and couldn't make it round anymore, she even removed the sharp 1 from the sum.

What do you call a old guy watching little kids in a pool? a life guard

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Living through the Holocaust and finding a time machine to take you back to the beginning of it again.

I like jokes.

whats the same about a turtle and another turtle? they both seem to like lettuce

Why did Sally Fall Off The Swing? She had no arms Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally

A Muslim, a Jew, a Christian, and an Atheist are eating at the same table. They are friends, and they do this from time to time.

Two oranges walking down the street, one says to the other, "Where do you live?". The other replies "I'm not telling you, you'll steel my washing"

knock knock. who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant

Jesus the comedy skits: 1. Jesus just hanging around on a sunny day getting a bit philosophical... Jesus hanging on the cross screaming towards the sky: "FATHER WHYY!?" God: Giant thunderbolt across the sky as a giant storm begins, it rains whirlwinds etc supposedly worst storm since Noah`s ark according to The History Network Wet,cold Jesus with ringing ears: Gurgle spits ... WTF kinda answer is that? Could you not just have said because I work in mysterious ways or something equally stupid? TRUE fact: "then the lordeth sent forth a hailstorm of epic propotions in order to silence all of his insolent children, this was before the burning ashes and the sharp nails of course" -History channel 2. Jesus The wiseguy eh? Jesus being wise: "Only he that hates his mother and father can become my a student of mine" "And as thus God commanded that a single spiky cross with his son`s measurements where made, when Peter asked oh why lordy lordeth? God responded: Because of sin" and all was good" "Then Peter asked Goddeth, oh lawdy lawd, what is sin? God replied: Something original now shaddap!, and all was good?" 3. Brokeback Jesus fact: The bible does not use the word Donkey. "Jesus, why doest thou enter thy neigbors home and ride upon his large ass?" Jesus the psychic: "I shallt just ride upon his ass for a few hours, then God shall take ride his ass back", Ugh, I just got the feeling this is going to sound total Ass in the future... Who is quoting us by the way? -History channel. 4. Jesus the: Dumbass moments extended "Then Jesus touched upon the fig tree that denied him figs that WINTER, later the fig tree was dead for its lazyness" (real if not correctly quoted Jesus fact Kay?) Fact: Fig trees dont exactly look alive during winters, besides no trees give fruit during winter. "Then Jesus proceeded to demand eggs from a rooster, which he killed for the roosters lazyness" "Then Jesus proceeded to milk a bull and..." 5. Real story that does not quite make sense to me. Some blind guy was possessed by Legion, when they (WE ARE LEGION aka bunch of demons) saw Jesus they begged him not to kill them, as they would face God`s wrath. Jesus seemingly spared their life by putting Legion`s into several pigs... Which ran off and drowned themselves in the nearby river. ...Why did they suicide? Was it so humiliating going from a blind old man, towards pigs that they literally drowned themselves (one of the more painful deaths there are) and then probably faced da lawds wrath anyways?

Uncle Eugene enjoyed to drive. Then he was killed in a car crash.

Roses are Red Violets are Blue It is Valentines Day So I had to get them for you or we would get into a big fight, which will end up with me on the couch.

This guy walks up to the bartender, and says to him, " ill bet you $100 that i can piss in this cup from 20 ft away." The bartender laughs, thinking hes gonna get an easy 100 bucks. he says "ok, u do that and ill watch." the guy says "ok but one second." he then walks over to this table full of guys and the bartender see him and them whispering and shaking heads. then the guys walks back over, and says to the bartender, "ok here i go" then he whips out his wang and starts pissing all over the place,all over the bartender, the counter, everywhere but the cup. Meanwhile the bartenders laughing, because he thinks he made some easy money. then the bartender asks the guy for his money and the guy says, "alright one minute." then the guys walks over to the table full of guys and they al start pulling out money and give it to him. so the guy walks over to the bartender and says, "here you are, your 100 bucks" the bartender notices him smileing and says "u just lost 100 bucks why are you happy?" and the guy says, " you see that table full of guys over there? well, i bet them all $500 dollars that i could piss all over you, your counter and all of your things, and that youd not only be happy about it, but youd laugh!!!"

What is the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? One is food the other, fuel.

Eliza eh? Of you I do not know but at least you used the correct code yourself, I suppose Nero7 kept your existence hidden from most of us for a reason. This "point Zero" is no more, about time people got out of the fucking north pole anyways, he was buried there, as his identity and existence is better off kept secret from the outside world for reasons many, none the less because if he is found and identified, undesired company might track whatever loose threads he might have left, straight back to us and we are not exactly operating within the parameters of... Legality anymore. Listen, if you want to know more give me the code straight out (I could not care less about deciphering shit right now and we are leaving horseshit network anyways) And I will tell you what Major6 knows, because as far as the screams roaming these halls can tell, he is still alive, you just better be fast, my men and women are not exactly experts at keeping these people alive... Yet, but enough idle chitchat. If you are who you claim to be, you should have the code I need, bring it, and I will present you with the neccesary information... ...Fail to do so, and I suggest that you never address any of us again fair lady, while we can simply not be tracked down, the security here is... Do I need to say? Neo-Nero.

What’s the best part about winning a gold medal? Nothing. You’re on acid and staring straight at the sun.

Why did the baby cross the road? I don't know but it got hit by a semi during.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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