two elephants in a bathtub Elephant 1: pass me the soap Elephant 2: no, radio!

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You're walking down a street and you see a man struggling to open a door, what do you do? Whatever you feel like doing.

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Why did the blind man get hit by a bus? Because his seeing-eye dog was distracted by a squirrel and ran off, leaving the man in the middle of the cross-walk in heavy traffic.

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A woman gets home from bying tampons to use later in the month. She walks into the house and sees a heart box with a note from her husband of 5 years. The note reads: Roses are red - violets are blue - Fudge Is Sweet - Heres some Fudge...........She then puts the note down, eats the fudge, and has diarrhea a few hours later. The husband comes home and feels bad because he forgot that fudge upsets his wife's stomach. Later that night the wife asks her husband to have anal sex with her. The husband agrees but later regrets his action since his dick is now discolored and smells of shit..........Two days later the family dog dies. The wife and husband mourn. I like cheese

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mirror mirror on the wall who has the most desire of them all? Matt Daly!

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Me, your friend George! You don't remember me! Oh. Sorry. I'm kidding. I'm a robber.

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Why couldn't the boy in the wheelchair sue the man making fun of him? Because he couldn't get up the stairs to court.

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What's sad about a girl getting hit in the face with a shovel? The shovel got dented..

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple ? Finding an apple in your worm !!! ... Wait, what ?

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a Sociopath with a very violent history.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What do you call a secret agent that lives in a bottle of washing up liquid? Bubble-0-7

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What did the apple say to the pear? ...Nothing they can't talk...

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Knock Knock. Not home.

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What's worse than finding the Holocaust in your apple? Nothing

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Why did the black man steal the mountain bike? He didn't. He purchased and payed for the mountain bike.

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Q:Whats worse then hard nipples A:The holocaust

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Not Suzy!!

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some exercise. They were getting terribly overweight.

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Why did the semen cross the road? Because i put on the wrong socks this morning

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Why did the blonde do at the WTC on 9/11? Die.

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the reason why waldo is hiding from chuck norris is because they are playing hide and seek.

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What is red and cry's? A baby chewing on a razor blade

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Knock, Knock... Whose there? No one... you have no friends.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops