A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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When the world ends what would be the death toll It would be unknown since every one would be around to calculate it

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what did the man say to the doctor? how the hell would i know, ask him yourself.

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What is wet, white and sticky? Glue, of course.

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I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

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What do you call a Muslim on the moon? An astronaut

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What kind of drug did the cops catch the alligator with? None. They were going to use a tranquiliser dart, but SPCA intervened and simply held the alligator's mouth shut while they loaded it into a secure cage.

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Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone? Because a skyscraper landed on him. Yes. A skyscraper.

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Q:What do you call chocolate without a gag reflex? A: Choc-o-late (Choke a lot)

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What's worse than finding 16 dead babies in a tree? Finding 1 dead baby in 16 trees.

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Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because the Nazis were on the brink of losing the war and Berlin was shortly to be captured by Soviet forces.

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What do a chicken and a grape have in comon? - They're both purple, except for the chicken.

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Why was the boy crying? Because him and his sister were sent to an orphanage.

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Why can't Helen Keller read? Because she's a woman

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You know whats worse than an anti-joke? Practically Anything.

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what did the little girl with cancer get for christmas? cancer

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Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SKINNY PERSON AND A JESSE? Answer: THE SKINNY PERSON IS VERY LEAN AND THE FAT PERSON IS VERY JELL-OUS

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"Mommy! Look, I found a turtle!" "that's no turtle." "Oh..."

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My mother's star sign was Cancer. Ironic how she died really. She was attacked by a giant crab.

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I wondered why the piano was getting bigger. Then it hit me... I'm sorry I have visual agnosia

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Q: what's yellow and can't use chopsticks. A: corn

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A man walks into me and I say: "WATCH IT PUNK!"

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What did God say when he made the first black person? I have just added a significant element of diversity to the human species. Intolerance between ethnicities will surely prove to be an obstacle in societal progression, creating hardships for many. I know this because I am God.

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Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy. But I have Alzheimer's... Hey, I just met you...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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