A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in an open hole Poor body disposal practice

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What is the difference between a pizza and ten dead babies? I dont have a pizza in my oven.

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''Hey, this is absolutely true. There's an organization now called 'Draft Dick Cheney for President, 2012.' Yeah. Good luck with that. They tried to draft Dick Cheney five times during Vietnam. That didn't work.

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In Soviet Russia, you drive the car, fill it up with gas, and park it. Just like in America.

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What did santa claus get the boy with cancer for christmas? Nothing. Santa is not real and thus incapable of granting christmas wishes.

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Why couldn't the dinosaur sing? Because dinosaurs are extinct

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What's worse than the holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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Roses are Blue Violets are Red I have Alsheimers... Cheese on Toast

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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Whats worse than the dole. The SRC!!!

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Why did the man get in a car accident? Because he was blind.

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep? ProtestS from Anti GM activists.

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What did the bank teller say to Santa Claus? May I help you?

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Do you like fish sticks? Yes. Me too.

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Why did the Mexican cross the border? He wanted to live a better life in pursuit of freedom and a better job.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Neither has he.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We have your test results, You have cancer.

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

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What is the difference between Steve Jobs and a PC? PC's are not dead.

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Why did little jimmy fall of his bike? His grandma threw the refrigarator at him.

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Why are humans and squirrels the same? They both live in trees except for the human

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A young boy is crying in the park, when priest walks up to him -What's the matter son? -My parents died in a horrible car accident 2 weeks ago and now i'm held in an abusive household.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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