what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

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Confucius says, I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

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Why does Chuck Norris always know the time? He bought a fancy new watch.

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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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In Soviet Russia, there was a movement to be renamed into the Russian Federation, which passed on December 25, 1991.

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Betty wanted to see time fly so she threw her alarm clock out the window. Shortly after, her mother grounded her as it was quite expensive and she had become less punctual without it.

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David: Hey Bill. Do you know what the most common place for a Democrat to work is? Bill: No. David: An insane Asylum, so they can be with their friends and family. David: Do you know what the most common place for a black person to work is? Bill: No. David: A prison, so they can be with their friends and family. David: Do you know what the most common place for a 20th centrury undercover German Jew to work is? Bill: No. David: A morge, so they can be with their friends and family. David: Do you know what the most common place for a Scientologist to work is? Bill: No. David: With Democrats. (Writen by Ben, avid Anti-Scienctologist)

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What happened when the Mexican lays his head on a pillow? He falls asleep

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Whats black and white and red all over? My wife, i constantly beat her and I should probably be arrested for it if she didnt love me so much

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Ed Rambo. EXPERIENCE as John Rambo is kidnapped by AL QUAIDA (because he did not totally save their ass in the second or third movie riiiight) Leaving Ed Rambo, his son (Played by Eddie Murphy) up to the task of saving him, from Al Quaida`s real leader... Yes, its a conspiracy! "Okay, first Obama is supposedly a terrorist, but seriously the secret alliance between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton?" Bullshit movie reviews. "So the explanation is that Ed Rambo is black because John Rambo married an Asian woman? What about their age? They are probably the same or something!" Mad Magazine. Moral: Yeah because this annoys you, and you all kinda love me I know its Al Qaeda, but who wants to type that... Now it does not say Skynet is watching anymore... After four times... Wow, god damn we need robocop to be real before the Termitetrisnators travel back in time into our dimension. AND NOT ADAM SANDLERS: ROBOCOP.

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How do you make a plumber cry You kill it's family

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The doctor said to the boy that a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. He is diabetic.

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A bishop died and went to heaven. At the Pearly gates he sees Saint Peter , so he says to Peter "All my life I've been a committed Christian, but I just before I died I was tempted by a woman of ill repute". Saint Peter says "This is just an illusion, your dying brain is merely conjuring up images based on your presuppositions of an 'afterlife'. You have about three seconds left"

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I have existed for over 6000 years and around vi0lating people long before you where ever born kid... You do not believe me you say? friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: You do not believe me? According to this DNA test... Welcome to papa son/daughter... Its time to make you a man/woman now, and then TIME TO MAKE YOU my BlTCH!

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Why did the homosexual cross the road without looking both ways? He was blind......

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Why is it bad luck for a black cat to cross your path? I'll tell you in Heaven

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Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike? Because Lucy didn't like Mia and shot her in the face.

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What's the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? They've reached sexual peak but aren't yet past it. Plus, they still aren't in their 30's.

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What do you call a dragon with no wings? a dragon with no wings :(

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Knock Knock Who's there? The KKK, got any blacks?

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What's worse than a baby on a pitchfork? Two babies on a pitchfork.

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So, a man walks into a bar. Suddenly, the universe around him cracks, unable to sustain the weight of infinite potential punchlines. He tumbles through an empty void amongst shards of his broken reality.

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,What would you call Morgan Freeman if he was White? Morgan Freeman

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What did the man screem before he crashed his car? i dont know, he died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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