A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 20 years later he would gamble away his life savings and then go onto live a lonely and unfulfilled life.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

This guy went to the store because he needed potatoes. So he asked the clerk where the potatoes were at and she said "Isle fiveeeeeee!" So he went there and there were no potatoes ! hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahajhahahahahhahahhahahhahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahhahaahhahahahahahahaahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahaahahahahahhhhahha

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you torture a turtle? If you came up with an answer to that question you are completely and utterly unethical and immoral.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the head football coach go to the bank? Not to get his quarter back cause that'll cost him at least ten million a year.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What happened to the couple that got married? They went on their honeymoon.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because grass don't eat meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

If the 49ers won the superbowl

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did they bury the firefighter behind the hill? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: Why did the plane crash? A: Someone threw a hippo at the pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

why did the teenaged girl cry? she was about to have an abortion

thumb_up thumb_down -13

why is kool-aid so sweet? Because it contains sugar

thumb_up thumb_down -13

do you have snow in your vagina? because i am going to plow you

thumb_up thumb_down -13

God saw himself. Finally, proof.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A construction worker walks into a bar. Lucky he was wearing his hard hat.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what is fun to eat but dumb when its alive? A dumb yummy candy

thumb_up thumb_down -13

how do u wake kesha up? Answer:set her alarm clock to a reasonable time

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the cop pull over a black guy? The man was breaking the law by going 82 mph in a 70 mph zone, which resulted in a 100 doller fine. Oh and the cop was a racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you know when your pizza is ready? When the oven timer goes off, indicating that it is done.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

how do you wake up lady gaga? you throw her on the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A Jew, a black guy, and a redneck are walking down the street because their car broke down a few miles back.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: What's not funny and has three wheels? A: The Holocaust, I lied about the wheels and about not being funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red Violets are blue Start running Cuz ima F*** you Runn Forest Runn! Jubie

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I couldn't decide whether to buy a pepperoni or a meat feast pizza? So i got neither and my two year old son died of starvation.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you kill a clown? You smash his face into a brick.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops