An elderly man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Dad!" The old man replies, "Hi son. I'll have a Bud Light." The bartender serves his dad a Bud Light and says, "I'm thinking about going back to school to become a doctor." The old man says, "I'm an alcoholic." The bartender replies, "Great, another Bud Light coming up!"

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How many babies can you fit in a blender? None, the blender is too small. Also it is illegal to kill a baby infant because they are considered human. You can get life in prison or the death penalty for committing such a heinous crime.

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When time is the best time to make a wish during the day? 9:11

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When life gives you lemons, you are most likely in the fruit section of the grocery store.

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Why din't Santa come to Timmy's house? Timmy died 6 months ago. :(

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Have u ever noticed why a Police car siren isnt as loud as an ambulance siren? Do u know why that is? Because i dont, and i would like to know because my over active and curious brain is pounding through my skull and throbbing with question and wont stop until i know the answer!

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What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Nothing, penguins haven't evolved a complex form of language.

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A:how many notzies dose it change a light bulb B:none they made the jewish do it. :(

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a white guy walks into a bar luckily he is not an alcoholic and knows when to safely stop drinking and already gave his keys to a friend.

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What stinks of shit and has money. Smelly Mc Dee I lied about the money.

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What do you call a Mexican hockey player? A hockey player.

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Why did the man tell the other man to shut up? The other man said something that made the man who said shut up mad so he told the man to shut up.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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here is a good joke... your moms a bitch END OF STORY!

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whats red and smells like cherries red cherries

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Why did Suzie fall off the swings? Because she didn't have arms or legs. Knock, Knock. Who's there? Not Suzie

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Why couldn't the bartender sell alcoholic beverages? He got fired

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A muslim walks onto a plane. He goes to 13C as that is his seat designated on his ticket.

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Chuck Norris was dropped twice when he was a baby, once on concrete and once on hardwood

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Why was the man foolish for buying a new lamp? Because he lived in a small shack with no electricity and was probably going to die soon.

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I asked my wife to make me a sandwich. I had forgotten she was dead.

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What's even worse than getting a parking ticket on your birthday? Child molestation.

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Kid: Mom I'm gonna dig a hole all the way to China! Mom: That's sweet but it's impossible dear. You'll get to tired after awhile to go any farther. Also, by any chance you did dig really deep, you would melt and die if you got the the center because the magma will kill you when you get to it. Alright son? Kid: What?

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What's the difference between a Rabbi and a Priest? One's a Jew, one's a Christian

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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