What do you do if life gives you lemons? Whoa... where did these lemons come from?

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Chose to describe yourself: Green thumb: Tall wealthy, good looking, intelligent man with a model wife, a ferrari expensivo, a hotel just for yourself. Red thumb: A below average piece of shit? Green thumb? Dont lie to me you piece of sh*t!

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In soviet russia, child molests you! Unfortunately true

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Roses are red, Violates are blue. I have an erection, and its lasted more then three hours

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What do u call a white hourse with no ass Penelope

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Why did the balck man sit at the back of the bus? Because all the other seats were taken.

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Why did the girl make a sandwich for her boyfriend? Because she offered to make lunch in order to save money by not going to a restaurant.

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April showers bring... tornadoes that kill families

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How do you get a black man out of your seat? You ask him very nicely with a great attitude.

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Whats white and can kill you if it falls out of a tree? A refridgerator

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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whats worse than the black death. Bieber Fever

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whats worse than getting hit whit a baseball? getting hit by a train

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A woman walks in a confessional booth and proceeds to tell the priest about how she killed and ate her baby in a fit of hysteria because she is having issues dealing with her fresh divorce. The priest does not call 911.

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Why did Lucy fall off the swing set? Because she died. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Lucy.

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Why did little Sally fall off the swing? Because Sally has no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Sally.

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some dude: weed is bad Other dude: then why do they prescribe it to people are you dumb or are you stupid

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What's the difference between a red shirt and a blue shirt? one is red and one is blue

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Whats blue, fuzzy and has little red dots all over? Beats me...

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why is ur dad an alcoholic? he drinks a lot of alcohol

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whats long and black? a baton

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What do you call a man sitting at the bar drinking alone? An alcoholic.

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One day there was 3 bears, a papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear. They were out swimming when suddenly a girl comes over to their house and tries to sit down. She sits on the big chair and says "too big", then she sits on the little chair and says "too small" and then sits on the medium chair and says "just right". Suddenly, the bears come back. Papa bear: "somebody has been sitting on my chair!" Baby bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair too!" Mama bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair, and she still here!" The girl says "Hi my name is Goldilocks." After about few minutes introducing each other, they ate dinner and they all had a great time.

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What has one head, three eyes and seven legs? A cow with a tri-pod rammed up it's arse. The third eye is a result of a birth defect.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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