Want to hear a dirty joke? Jimmy fell in mud. Want to hear a clean joke? Jimmy took a bath with Bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a clown.

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I am colorblind because Iam a dog.

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How do you make your father cry? Poke him in the eye with a shovel, then continue to lower his self esteem with insults.

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Q) How do you kill a blue elephant? A) Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a pink elephant? A) Hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a white elephant? A) Tickle it until it turns pink, hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No Neither has he!

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Don't you just hate it when somebody is saying something interesting and they don't finish their sentence?

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What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? Don't be ridiculous. First of all, scientifically this is near impossible and secondly, what use would a kangaroo with wool be? Sheepdogs would become obsolete and they would be a nightmare to shear. Imbecile.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? ...Neither have they.

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Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

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How would I re-arrange the alphabet? I would place P in your butt...

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A Stoner sees a bag of chips.

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What is white and black and red all over.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first one turns to the second, and says nothing, because muffins can't talk. They then both die because the temperature in the oven was 370 degrees.

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Roses are red, violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's cheese on toast

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What did Ben's Graandma get him for Christmas? Nothing, she died on Thanksgiving!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Scholars maintain that the translations to the chickens journal were lost in a hurricane hundreds of years ago. Therefore, the chicken crossed the road for unknown reasons and died knowing it had a dull, pointless life.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, there is no reason for a chicken to need to cross a road.

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Once upon a time there was a man exercising, he pulled a muscle and had to have his heart removed. In other words, don't exercise. The end.

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"Mommy! Look, I found a turtle!" "that's no turtle." "Oh..."

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Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead

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Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy. But I have Alzheimer's... Hey, I just met you...

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Why did the car crash? Because the driver was blind

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops