There once was a man from Nantucket, but he's dead.

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Why couldn't Jimmy ride his bike? His family had to sell it in order to put food on the table

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"I had the worst day ever!" "Was it worse than 9/11?"

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Two small boys are walking in a schoolyard. One of the boys sits down under a tree looking distraught. The other asks him "Well whats the matter Eddy?" "Every time I walk to my bus-stop in the morning, Jimmy Krugan, pushes me down and takes my money. " The first boy thinks for sec.. "Well here's what you do Ed; go to your Dad's shed and grab a 2X4, paint it bright blue. In the morning, walk to school with it under your jacket and when Jimmy starts in on you give him a good wallop. He wont be bothering you anymore." The following day the boys are in the yard again. Eddy is seen under the tree seeming just as distraught. Confused, the boy asks him.. "Well Ed, did you do what I told you?" "No."

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Roses are blue violets are red pull down ur pants and get in my bed :D

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What's a four letter word that ends with "rape"? Stop.

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your matriarchal component is so overweight that her body mass index is over the desired level for her height and age

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some one knocked on tims door, at the same exact time, someone died in africa

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A pornstar walks into a church, she has remained close to Christ despite her condescending career choice.

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Wanna hear a joke? No.

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If Vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Probably both plant life, sea-based creatures, and land-based animals. However, depending on the personal preference of the person, they can also be a vegetarian or not. They could also be cannibals, but the literal definition of humanitarian would go against any cannibalistic traditions due to the fact that humanitarians help others for the benefit of humanity as a whole, eating people would go against such beliefs.

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what did the catholic priest say to the little boy? -probably something about god or jesus because they are in church

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You know what happens when you assume. You jump to a conclusion that could conceivably have severe consequences.

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What side of the cheetah has the most spots? -The outside.

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Yo mamma is so hairy that she had to shave

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Cracked.com the only (depressive) "humor" site.

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What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

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Yo' momma's so fat that when she steps on the scales the number seen to appear is proportionately larger than that seen to appear when the average human steps on them.

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What do you call a man which busts ghosts A ghostbuster. Duh

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I like to eat.

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There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. Then he woke with a fright In the middle of the night And thought about what a strange dream he was having.

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Where must you go if you have the desire to eat somebody's face? A psychiatric ward. You are clearly going insane and must seek help.

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Q: How many babies does it take th paint a barn? A: I dunno, how hard are you throwing them?

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How many jews do you need to change a lightbulb? -One.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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