What did the pauper want for Christmas? Money

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Knock knock! Whose there? ... The person who was knocking suffered a fatal shot to the back of the head by a drive by shooter, if the person at the door had just opened it, instead whose there? (...which no one does anyways...) The knocker may have survived. He had a wife and 5 kids, 3 Grandkids.

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A zombie walks into a bar. It was shot by an M16 automatic rifle. The video game had zombies.

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Yo Mama's so fat, she weighs more than an electron.

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A man walks into a bar and says ow. Two men walk into a bar, which is weird, because the second guy should have seen it coming.

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how much wood could a wood chuck chuck? 3

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Why do mermaids where seashells on their breasts? They don't wear anything because mermaids don't exist.

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How are Steve Jobs and the iPhone similar? They both keep getting thinner as time goes on.

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when god gives you lemons you better hope he also gives you sugar or your lemonade is going to suck

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What do you call an Iraqi man steering the plane? a pilot, you racist.

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What did the man say to the other man? yummmmm

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We were hooking up and her mom walked in, i stood up, apologized and left

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How do fish die in water? The BP oil spill

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chuck norris is a little b|tch

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A man walked into a bar. He said "ow".

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Why was Frankenstein green? Because he painted himself green. Frankenstein is the scientist, not the monster.

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A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

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What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.

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What's the difference between a bucket of shit and a black guy? -the bucket.

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What did one umbrella say to the other umbrella? Nothing, umbrellas cannot instigate a conversation, because they cannot talk.

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Situation. A man trying to find meaning in his life. Question. Why are desieses not colorful, and tasty. Answer. Adolf Hitler and his ice cream songs that he sings on sunday mornings during brunches.

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if this joke was a potato, it would be a good potato

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what did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? a bike

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Why did the baby cross the road? I don't know but it got hit by a semi during.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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