A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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A russian, a jew, and a black guy are walking down the street. The midget trips and knocks into the jew who in turn knocks into the black guy. It turns out that they all know each other from high school. They ended up going out for lunch and drinks and it actually turned into a great day.

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What do you call a girl who has recently been raped? Dead

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? A tragic drowning victim. And later, food for sharks, probably.

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Why did the mexican immigrant have no friends? He lacked social skills and was unfamiliar with American mannerism's.

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Clyde: Hey John! :D John: Hey clyde! :D Clyde: :D! John: :D! Clyde: :D, :), :|, :(, D'X John: ? hey man, are you ok? Wtf is going on with you? Clyde: Man, it's not me... :'(... It's you... It's your... Your... John: My what? Clyde: YOUR FACE!!!! D'X

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A stand-up comedian quits his job. He has social anxiety and can't stand the pressure.

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Why did the horse escape from his stable? He didn't. He stayed there all night and his owner took him out the next day as the weather was beautiful.

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What did the octopus say to the lion? Nothing, because the likely hood of a lion and an octopus meeting is incredibly slim, as an octopus is a sea creature, and a lion isn't. A lion and an octopus cant even communicate with each other anyway, so even if they did come across each other they wouldn’t be able to talk. Octopi are also anti-social creatures by nature so I can say with some confidence that the lion and the octopus will not have a convocation. Written By JAMES!

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What is worse than Shaq's free throw percentage? The free throw percentages of Reggie Evans, Bo Outlaw, Andris Biedrins, Wilt Chamberlain, Chris Dudley and Ben Wallace.

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I dont often wash my hands in the bathroom but when i do its so people dont think im gross.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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What did Raymond say when josh ate him? Nothing because Raymond was dead.

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What do you say to a cat with a helmet on? Silly cat, you rhyme with hat but you shouldn't wear one.

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What did the fruit say when it was about to be sliced in half? Nothing, fruits cannot talk, duh.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Cause he was a chicken.

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Why did the black guy not like oreos? because he is a very health concious person and knowes that too much of a bad thing can make you fat.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Daddy drinks, Because you cry.

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A man walks down the street past a flamboyant homosexual male and kills him in a hate crime. This homosexual was Dylan Glogowski

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roses are red violets are blue im not good at poems so fuck you too.

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The camp counselor woke me up, and said that it was going to be a long week. I didn't worry though, since all weeks are 7 days long.

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Why the FFUUU did you go back? Because I broke something huur.

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Roses are red, ill give you a wink, two in the pink, and one in the stink.

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Whats The diference between a park bench and a black man? A park bench can support a family of five hahahhaahahah

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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