Why don't seagulls live in the bay? Because then they'd be bagels

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What did the blind, deaf and mute girl get for christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

why do women have small feet. so they can stand closer to the sink

thumb_up thumb_down +38

what's worse than two dead babies? three dead babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Jess Burns

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did Jack and Jill fall down the hill? Because they were donuts

thumb_up thumb_down +32

You're an Irish male that walks into a bar full of Mexicans. Upon entering you are approached by two topless women. ....You realize you have been coming to the same sleazy strip club on the edge of town every night after work for the past few years. After seeing that you have gradually become completely bald and neglect your two children and wife, you recognize your extreme depression. Strippers now see you as a consistent, "paying customer" and you proceed seek psychiatric care, while being prescribed anti-depressants. The Mexicans at the bar are hard working, tax-paying citizens that would like to provide an education for their children.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

The size of Idris Elba's penis

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the lion say the the zebra? Nothing. Lions do not have the ability to speak and therefore could not make conversation with said zebra, hunted it down, killed it, and shared it with his pride of 27.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What did the guy who speaks in tongue say to the other guy who speaks in tongue? Gibberish

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q: what do you call an icy road? A: dangerous

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q:What happens to an elephant if he falls from a building with 10 floors? A:He dies

thumb_up thumb_down +28

An Arian man walks into a German-owned bar and asks to use the restroom. The bartender sees this acceptable and allows it. Soon after, a Jewish man asks the same question, but this time the bartender said no. The Jewish man thought it was an outrage and demanded why, so the bartender calmly explained to him that the Arian man was still using the restroom and that when he was finished the Jewish man was free to poo as he pleased.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because after death the body loses control of muscles and the monkey could no longer grasp the branch with his tail

thumb_up thumb_down +28

An iguana walks out of a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +24

An asian kid in a classroom starts to squint to try to see the board that is far away. A white man looks at the kid and asks, "Hey asian, is it hard for you to see that board?" The Asian replies, "Yes, yes it is."

thumb_up thumb_down +24

I know animal testing is cruel, but my dog did really well on the SATs.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

why didn't the kid win the talent show? He wasn't talented.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? One walks on the moon and the other f*cks little boys.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: What do you call a group of asians riding their bikes while carrying large bags of merchandise filled with an ample amount of video games? A: Obviously, a few enviromentally-friendly entrepreneurs who managed to make enough of a profit via their established buisness to the extent that they could buy what they required and get some other desired items as well.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your doorstep? A: Whatever his name is.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q. Why did the girl fall of the bridge A. Her dad pushed her

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: Why did the girl fall of her swing? A: She was hit by a rogue fridge. Q: Why didn't she get back up? A: She was quite badly injured.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

what do you call a fish with no gills? I dont know what youd call that creature...but its no fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops