Why did Harry Potter go to meet Professor Lupin? --Because he wanted to practice casting his Patronus

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What's hard when you eat a vegetable? The wheelchair.

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What haircut did Timmy get at the barbershop? He didn't, he saved money from the barber by going through chemo.

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What did the fish say when he hit the wall? A. Dam B. He Charlie I found the wall C. Both Well he didn't say both but he could have said A or B but it wouldn't make sense for him to say both.

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BTW ANders she is gone, read below, seriously! And your mother is ugly, but she is so kind to me, so ill be nice to her too... Seducing a LONE WIDOW ME 32 years she... 180 and always blushing around me? Thats gonna be hard... No seriously, I kissed her on the cheek the other day, she moaned... And she aint that old... looks like a old 40 year old. ANDERS! AAAANDEERS! CHATTERTON!!! Anyway, tell your mom, that way Ill just need to enter, kill you, and you know... make her feel like she is ... 77 again? Nah she is ahornbag so she must be younger, wont kiss her on those lips though ANDERSSSss because she smokes, the others? Sure, Ill take a pic of her squirting! From the guy that taught you how to make any woman squirt... YOu fucking asshole!

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How many gun shots does it take to kill you? 1..2... 3...4... Samantha reapeatedly kept shooting her enemy until she noticed that her enemy was Chuck Norris. So how many gunshots does it take to kill Chuck Norris? The world may never know.

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How did Jesus walk on water? Jesus is God in the form of a man, and he is the only human being ever with the ability to perform miracles

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Three children had stumbled into an old cottage where they were met by a wizard. The wizard pointed out a slide in the corner of his cottage. He told the children that they could each go down the slide and that they could shout out a word while sliding. He told them that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "GOLD" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of solid gold. Due to its extreme hardness the child was killed immediately on impact.

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when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

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Are you from Africa because you sure look likes you've got Ebola

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, STDs are contagious. Careful who you screw!

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Man don't you hated when birds shit all over your car! Man I'm glad cows don't fly!

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What has Whitney Houston got in common with a spider? They're both black and they can't get out of the bathtub

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How do you kill a blonde? By irreparably damaging a major organ. The same way you kill anything else.

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There are 10 fish, 5 of them drown, how many are left? 10, fish can't drown

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A jew was walking down the street what did he see? the holocaust

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What is brown and green and goes 100 mph? A tree falling down on your house.

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your mom is so black that it can be assumed she is of african descent

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Why did Jim get hit by a train? Because he was standing in the tracks.

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim are on a plane to France. When they arrive in Paris one will go visit a friend who recently found inspiration in the many magical streets of the city and is in the middle of a year abroad. Another will search for a job and home to support himself and any future family that he might choose to have in the future. The last will check into a hotel and proceed to have a wonderful time seeing all the sights that Paris has to offer.

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What do you call Madeline McCann at the bottom of the sea? Drowned Madeline McCann.

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Q. What is the worlds biggest lie A. I have read and agree to the terms of service ?

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Yo momma's so hot I raped her and slit her throat afterwards and hid her body in a ditch.

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A storm be brewin!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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