What did the father say to his son, who incidently shot his brother while they were playing with a gun home alone? "It happens." He then hung himself.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than the Holocaust? Voldemort

thumb_up thumb_down

Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

thumb_up thumb_down

So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

thumb_up thumb_down

Frontbut-

thumb_up thumb_down

what would Jesus do? Get crucified and die.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man asks his wife to make him a sandwich, she proceeds to make a sandwich using rye bread, lettuce, two slices of tomatoes, a variety condiments, mustard and several slices of American cheese. The man eats the sandwich at a parade with his wife celebrating Woman's Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down

Two girls were taken away mysteriously in the night. The next day, no one cared because they were orphans.

thumb_up thumb_down

what did the black women name her child jamaal

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had very recentley made his escape from a nearby farm, of which was owned by a man close to dying of a Rhabdoid Tumor. His family was in mourn.

thumb_up thumb_down

I like my women like I like my coffee... In a cup.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man walks into the office for an appointment. The doctor performs the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, that was a turkey. Oh.

thumb_up thumb_down

Man: Did It Hurt Woman: Did what hurt? Man: When your legs were crushed after being run over by that semi

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the man with seasonal allergies not take his medication? He had liver disease...read the fine print

thumb_up thumb_down

A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen and warns him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and otherwise damaging consequences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

thumb_up thumb_down

what did the teacher say to his student? do your work.

thumb_up thumb_down

When you see birds flying in a V why is one side of the V always longer than the other? there are more birds on that side

thumb_up thumb_down

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

thumb_up thumb_down

Whats more funny than 1 bomb on 8 babies? 8 bombs on 1 baby.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why wad six afraid of seven? Because seven was a sexual offender.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did timmy's face turn red? Early that morning Timmy was brutally attacked by the local street gang which proceeded to smack timmy's face with a baseball bat and smearing the blood with a dirty rag.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than hitting your funny bone on a chair............... Hearing one person say "its friday" then realizing that you are now singing

thumb_up thumb_down

How meny Jews can you fit in an ash-tray? None. There to big

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops