- Anti Joke

What's the difference between people with aids and people with cancer? People with cancer can get into heaven

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? As much as it is capable of. Personally depends on the weight of the wood.

In soviet Russia... there is a distinct probability that you will get mugged due to the high crime rate and gang ruled streets.

What do you call a Jew picking up a quarter? Whatever his name is?

Laws are initially proposed in Parliament as bills. They become Acts after being approved three times by Parliamentary votes and then receiving Royal Assent from the Governor-General. The majority of bills are promulgated by the government of the day (that is, the party or parties that have a majority in Parliament). It is rare for government bills to be defeated, indeed the first to be defeated in the twentieth century was in 1998. It is also possible for individual MPs to promote their own bills, called member's bills; these are usually put forward by opposition parties, or by MPs who wish to deal with a matter that parties do not take positions on.

Why did Suzy drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzy!

A man saw a dinosaur. He probably watched it on the television because dinosaurs have been extingt for a very long time.

A Muslim, a Jew, a Christian, and an Atheist are eating at the same table. They are friends, and they do this from time to time.

What do you call an aircraft piloted by a Muslim extremist? The aircraft's brand name followed by its model number, in all likelihood.

Why was the little Latino boy sad? Because his father sexually molested him earlier in the evening.

Why are young girls better at school than young boys? Because young boys think about young girls.

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

Life is like a box of chocolates, It doesn't last too long for fat people.

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding cancer on your back

Women's rights.

what do you call a black guy on steroids? a black guy on steroids

I can't see my forehead

What do you call 4 Mexicans hopping the border? 4 Mexicans in search of a better lifestyle from poverty.

Q: What's annoying and doesn't smoke? A: AIDS

You know what happens when you assume. You jump to a conclusion that could conceivably have severe consequences.

If Vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Probably both plant life, sea-based creatures, and land-based animals. However, depending on the personal preference of the person, they can also be a vegetarian or not. They could also be cannibals, but the literal definition of humanitarian would go against any cannibalistic traditions due to the fact that humanitarians help others for the benefit of humanity as a whole, eating people would go against such beliefs.

What did the little boy say when he was sick? Nothing. He stayed in bed and slept all day.

I once bought a pack of batteries but they weren't included.

What rhymes with sloth? Cloth

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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