Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Dyeing.

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Oceanic flight 815 crashes on an island and the survivors are stranded. They all die of starvation and dehydration within a week.

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Whats black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white? A Nun falling down stairs

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whats green white black red and can fly? nothing.

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What do you call a 30 year old man with a large white van full of kids? A parent carpooling to the soccer game.

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Why do mermaids where seashells on their breasts? They don't wear anything because mermaids don't exist.

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An English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man walk into a bar. I observed this from outside and therefore have no idea as to any of the sequence of events that occurred once they had entered the bar and disappeared from my line of sight.

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What did the blonde do when she found out one is most likely to get in a car accident within 6 miles of the home? She drove more carefully in her neighborhood.

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Knock Knock Come in.

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Is your refrigerator running? No. Oh perfect, I'm a refrigerator repairman, I'll be right over.

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Why did the girl drop her lolly pop? She was hit by a bus.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller read? She was blind

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Why did the woman die Because she was old

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PEN15 IF U R SMART U WILL UNDERSTAND THIS

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A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

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What do you call a pig standing on its back legs? Yo mama

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I wish I Charlie Sheen's Dealer.

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What did the unintelligent sports jock say to the band geek. Hey.

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why did abby get fired? cause she showed allie anti joke.com!!! :0

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why did my girlfriend fail her test? she was pregnant :'(

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Knock, knock. Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your spouse is in hospital.

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How you make a duck cry? Raping it. How you make it shut up? Killing it. Why did no one helped the duck? Because the duck has no friends.

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What did the old man say to his grandson before he kicked the bucket?? "I wonder how far i can kick this bucket..."

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There once was a man from Nantucket, but he's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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