Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van

What do you call your mother's bipolar brother with three arms? Uncle.

Why couldn't the 11-year old get into the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13.

Ruebin is Red, Curtis is too. i think i need a sweaty poo

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Not yours.

How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret? You politely ask her not to tell anyone.

give a man a blow job and he'll come for a second. teach a man to blow job and .... no that just doesn't work

Teacher- Pick the odd one out- Man, whale, bat, squirrel, frog Student- Whale. All others are found in Nebraska

you can either take the test now or on monday. (hand movement)

Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a worm on the other side. And the more pressing question is why do i watch a chicken in my free time

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know... I thought no one knew the answer to that question...

There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

what long green and bumpy? a pickle

Why was the girl so stupid? She had mental retardation caused my Down Syndrome.

What did one dolphin say to the other after watching a banana dance with an afro. My pancreas was replaced with a mango.

Why did the man walk into the grocery store? Because he had run out of peanut butter

Why doesn't the farmer have a dog? He doesn't like dogs.

Roses are shut the f*** up. Violets are shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up.

Why did the little boy grow up to be a homosexual man? He didn't find the female reproductive system sexually appealing

Q) What is black, white, and red all over? A) A zebra that just became the kill of a hungry carnivore

Still Carrying Heavy Pet Food? That sucks

knock, knock who's there? Dave. ....oh well dave's not here man.

A man walks into a bar and says, "Hey, Jim, your wife just died from terminal cancer." Jim then says, "Cool. Hey, do you know if the games on tonight?"

What's the difference between Jews and pizza? One is an adherent to the religion of Judaism, and the other is a doughy bread topped with tomato sauce and cheese. They share virtually no similarities.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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