Oh because you have Lou Gehrigs Disease

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I woke up this morning and ran five miles. I am proud of myself for engaging in such a healthy lifestyle.

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When life throws knives at you, run away.

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God saw himself. Finally, proof.

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What do black people eat? Food.

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What did the homeless man's sign say? It didn't say anything. You had to read it.

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Hey guess what? What? You're a Tree.

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a black man and a Mexican are in the back seat of the car. whos driving the car? their best friend

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Whats the difference between a jew and a boy scout? The boy scout comes home from camp.

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Jamie Stegman was dead. LOL

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Why did the Cross chicken the road? Because it wasn't the way to the Lord

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knock knock who's there Bob oh hi, come in

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what word starts with the letter N and ends with the letter R that you never wanna call a black person? Neighbor

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I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one . Though , I do have cancer .

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What happens when you bite the head off of two animal crackers and make them play leap frog? Nothing. Quit playing with your food.

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What happens when you throw a yellow rock into a purple river? it makes a splash

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Q: Why did you get raped last week? A: Because at night you touch yourself to pictures of rapists.

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Why did The Chicken cross The Road? The Chicken was a new drug dealer to town and he did a deal with The Road , the town's existing drug dealer (they used these nicknames to hide their identities), but then back stabbed him to try and take the whole area for himself. Money and Power, as always.

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Half a shit.

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What Do you call two black guys on a bike? A two person bike

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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What do you call a fat kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

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There was once a man who lived in a box.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops