What did the slutty blonde get her boyfriend for Valentine's Day? Nothing because she had died of AIDS months ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man and wife were having a vacation when suddenly the man falls to the floor and starts having a seizure. The woman screams "Oh my God, is there a doctor in the house?!" Then a doctor appears and helps the man with the appropriate method of handling a seizure. The doctor says everything is going to be okay.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A. One's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other's a highly trained professional skilled in the art of litigation.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

knock knock whos there? ughh omg youre dying what yeah dear god ok ill call 911 no im fine its just a seizure ok get well soon

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the ground

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a quadriplegic man at a museum? "Sir," unless you happen to know his given name, in which case it would be most polite to call him that.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man builds a time machine but can only travel back in time. Where does he go? Irrelevant. Time and space exist on different planes.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What is Alqueida's favorite football team? The New York Jets.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man realizes the whole time he has wanted to fly like a bird. His funeral was two weeks later

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says "What would you like to drink?" The cat says "Meow."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the chicken say when it finally crossed the road? - nothing, its a chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Pansies are purple, Nothing rhymes with purple.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

whats a parkour kid? someone who jumps off things and is a pre-teen with adhd

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

how much kush does it take to get kushagra high

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's brown and smells like poo? Poo.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was the emo kid sad? Because he gets raped by his dad every night

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: Why did Jesus die for our sins? A: He didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I contracted AID's from a prostitute So I went out and killed 4 gay since they are the most prominent carriers of the disease I also killed a black man I kill a black man everyday

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q. What do birds and a mouse have in common... A. Nothing there two different species

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why cant stevie wonder read? Because he is blind

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops