whats purple and not a rapist barney, I lied about the rapist part

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A man jumped off a cliff. He died.

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Why are apples cheaper than lemons? Because you have to pay less money then lemons to buy them

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What do a black man and an apple have in common? They are both carbon based life forms.

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A man walks into his room with a DVD and a box of kleenex. The DVD is a wedding video of his now dead wife.

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how do you prevent a chicken from contracting aids?? you make him a little chicken condom.

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Why does Greg steal? Because he is a thief He is also scouse!

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Who, what, when, why, how, where, and which? Your Honor, i think my client would like to plead guilty.

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Why did little Jimmy fall off his bike? Because I threw a fridge at him.

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What did the man say when he found a bar of soap in his mailbox? Why is there soap in my mailbox?

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If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs; if we had some eggs.

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what do you get when you cross an ant with toni? ANTONI

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Roses are gray, Violets are gray, I'm colourblind.

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Why did John get hard? He froze to death

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What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog.

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Why couldn't Sammy ride a Bicycle? -Because Sammy is a Fish

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What does a gay horse eat? Carrots

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What did Marsha say when she ate the apple pie? Nothing. It would be rude for her to talk with her mouth full.

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A jew walk's into a bar. But actually it was a Gas chamber.

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What did John name his dog? Doggy

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That was totally mean! I mean I was in no way going to say any of that to you! Especially not the last part, sorry that must have been part of the suggestion or something, I barely ever tell myself stuff like that, I mean stop it okay? I mean I totally read it and all but I was all like "I am notnot typing that" please stop it, its humiliating.

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What do you call a black man standing on a sidewalk? Preferably race shouldn't matter in this situation, but in most social circumstances the man would be described as black to elucidate the person being depicted.

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What did the one battery say to the other? Nothing. Batteries can't talk.

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Why was the boy scared? Well, his mother had recently taken up Satanical ideals and in an attempt to sacrifice themselves to the Dark Lord, she drove her car off a cliff and into a lake. Now, with his dead mother in the drivers seat, no way to call emergency services, and 300 feet of water between him and the surface, you can see why he'd be scared.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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