A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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An Australian man walking in Manhattan is approached by another man who pulls out a switchblade and says, "give me your wallet or I'll stab you with this knife!" The Australian man hands over his wallet. A nearby police officer witnesses this the last moment of the mugging, arrests the criminal and returns the Australian's belongings.

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roses are red violets are blue i smell meth abkfjbekfhbkfsdshjfbkhb

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one day ill be as old as you but you'll be older then too.

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Why was Timmy so unpopular at school? Because he caught aids of his pet rock

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whats black and white and black and white and black and white? a penguin rolling down a hill whats black and white and laughing? the penguin that pushed him

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sunflowers are red I'm colorblind

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He who laughs last gathers no moss.

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a Gay Man Walks Into A Bar And See's its Only Women In There, He Screams And Leaves

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Roses are car Violets are giraffe this poem makes no sense microwave

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whats worse than sitting next to jack grindey nothing

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a white guy walks into a bar luckily he is not an alcoholic and knows when to safely stop drinking and already gave his keys to a friend.

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Roses are reds violets are blue when your parents says your beautiful they're lying to you

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Every first letter of an innappropriate body part is how it actually looks like: Penis, Vagina, Boobs

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why am I a hobo? because I lost my job.

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If it looks like grass, smells like grass, and tastes like grass... Then you were honestly misled when ordering that salad.

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Why did the blond cross the road? She needed to get to the shop as she'd run out of milk.

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Q. What goes 100 mph and is green? A. A frog in a blender

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A: What dose God listen to? B: Slayer. A: Trick Question, God=Slayer

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Why did billy go to the beach? To spread his moms ashes on the sand.

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What is worse than being eaten alive by a shark? Being force fed live goat intestines while Kevin Spacey rapes your father.

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Your mom's so fat that she is going to contract heart disease by age 30.

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What rhymes with car? Not kangaroo

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your mom is so fat, that your father is no longer attracted to her and it is tearing your family apart.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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