What can't think, see, hear, taste, or smell? A Headless Cat

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Why did the chicken cross the road? Nobody knows. Chickens aren't capable of knowing why they do things.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

One night a kid heard thunder and got scared. So he went to his parents bed and asked he could sleep with them. His mom said " Sure just don't look under the covers." He said okay and he looked under the covers and said " Daddy, why is your snake in Mommy's garden?"

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Life is like a box of chocolates, It doesn't last too long for fat people.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

A baby seal walks in to a club

thumb_up thumb_down +67

A man walks into kindergarden class with a beer. He then gets arrested.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Tim: Jason, your dumb Jason: No I'm not.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding cancer on your back

thumb_up thumb_down +57

A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Why did the woman die? She was hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

All dead all doom or all dead? How can you choose the question doesn't make sense. dead all dooom ohhhaklsdjfla;ksdjfal;skfjasd

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Haikus are easy They are simpler than you think Just don't run out of...

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall. First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. Just kidding. He's paralyzed

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Oh...okay, good.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Magic Johnson has AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Wanna hear a joke? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A tourist is hungry, so he asks a stranger to point him to the nearest McDonald's. The stranger points to the McDonald's across the street. As the tourist crosses the street, he gets hit by a car AND DIES. McDonald's kills.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

BIG PENIS

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Whats black, white, and huge? The world if you are a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Knock Knock Come in!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

whens your birthday? July 16th What year? Every year

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did Jack and Jill fall down the hill? Because they were donuts

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops