Why does Santa go through the chimmney? He's to lazy to use the door.

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A man walks into a room with a sly grin on his face, "Tom, have I got a joke to tell YOU!" Tom hurriedly shoos Susie into her bedroom and tells her to lock the door and not open it no matter what. Tom turns to the man, "I've told you twice before to never come back here, I'm beginning to think that you probably don't take what I say very seriously because you might have some sort of chemical imbalance or something in your head, or maybe you're obsessed with my family or something!" The man hangs his head in shame and agrees with Tom, but Tom still had to do something about the intruder so he called the cops. The cops took him to get psychologically analyzed, but Tom didn't know this because he only cared that his daughter Susie was safe and he also doesn't have access to the testing facility's records. Tom is an only father.

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What did the Hindenburg say? -nothing it just blew up

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mitt romney

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

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what do you call a black doctor ? a doctor moron

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What did Batman Tell Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile

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a guy walks down a street when he sees a bomb he walks away

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Why did the Polar Bear fall through the ice? The ice was unable to support his mass

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Why did the groom have cold feet? Because his socks were slightly damp resulting in evaporation and the cooling of his feet, as well as the cold weather in December.

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Haikus are easy They are simpler than you think Just don't run out of...

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Why couldn't Jimmy ride a bike Jimmy is a goldfish

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Wana hear something dirty? Mud

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three men walk into a bar. they are immediately rushed to urgent care due to blunt force trauma

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What's the difference between roast soup and pea beef? Nothing because neither of them are physically possible; you can't roast soup and you can't pee beef

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how do you make a plumber cry? you hit him in the face

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What did the man with paranoid schizophrenia say? I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because after death the body loses control of muscles and the monkey could no longer grasp the branch with his tail

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What did the Atheist say in the church? His best friend's eulogy.

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A man sees a giant talking frog walk into a store. He later dies due to an overdose of LSD.

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Three blondes were stuck on an island, one of them wished for a motorboat, later on they all died of starvation

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What is the difference between therapist and the rapist? A space.

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How do you make $10,000 in 1 day? I don't know, but I wish I did.

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9/11 isn't funny. 19 Muslims died that day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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