A man walks into a room with a sly grin on his face, "Tom, have I got a joke to tell YOU!" Tom hurriedly shoos Susie into her bedroom and tells her to lock the door and not open it no matter what. Tom turns to the man, "I've told you twice before to never come back here, I'm beginning to think that you probably don't take what I say very seriously because you might have some sort of chemical imbalance or something in your head, or maybe you're obsessed with my family or something!" The man hangs his head in shame and agrees with Tom, but Tom still had to do something about the intruder so he called the cops. The cops took him to get psychologically analyzed, but Tom didn't know this because he only cared that his daughter Susie was safe and he also doesn't have access to the testing facility's records. Tom is an only father.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was tied to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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a duck walks in to a Chinese restaurant and they cut his head off

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How do you get blood from a stone? Put it in a snowball.

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One kid clicks his pen. The kid sitting next to home clicks his pen. They next 3 kids click their pens. The teacher walks by and says "monkey see monkey do." And the kid that first clicked his pen responded and says "monkey pees all over you."

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what do you call a black doctor ? a doctor moron

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What's the difference between a baby and a pineapple? Pineapples were not shot by nazis during the holocaust.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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What did the blind, deaf and mute girl get for christmas? Cancer.

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Yo Momma's sooo fat that the speed of light at her surface exceeds 3*10^8 m/s.

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whens your birthday? July 16th What year? Every year

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There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. Then he woke with a fright In the middle of the night And thought about what a strange dream he was having.

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What's funny? Women's rights.

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Why do giraffes have long necks? Evolution.

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Once upon a time there was beautiful princess, ONCE!

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Scott

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What do you call a tree on fire? A burning tree.

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How do you tie your shoes underwater? In a submarine

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I know animal testing is cruel, but my dog did really well on the SATs.

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What's the difference between being gay and being homosexual? Nothing really. The two words are synonyms so try can be used interchangeably.

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If Life gives you melons, then I think your dislexic

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how do you kill a rich blonde? give her black die

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knock knock whos there? doctor doctor who?

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How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb? 1, just because their Jewish doesn't mean their incapable of changing a lightbulb.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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