There was once a man who went to the store and walked across a bridge and bought toothpaste and yelled at a hobo and went home and took a nap and then he went back to the park where he talked to an english teacher who told him not to use run-on sentences or she would slap him with a fish.

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what do you call a middle-aged man with one blue suede shoe on, purple hair, pink skin, white eyes, no toenails, 67 fingers, 1 eye, a pocket watch, no clothes, and 8978967564567898765432345678765321234568909876543w245678909876543456098765323456-0987654367890-098765435678-09876543456789098765432345678909876543456789098765435678909876543234567898765323456890-987654345678900987654323456890987653234567890765434568909876543456899876543456789098765434568909876545678987654345678987654567898765434567898765478579458765456789876543223456789876543098765432123456898765432678987654230987653-098765434567898765434898765434567898765456787654567876 butt cheeks? bob.

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A lady forgot to feed her goat. When she went to feed it, It wasn't there. Why? She didn't have a goat. Another lady forgot to feed her cat. When she went to feed it, it wasn't there. Why? It died 2 days earlier. A man forgot to feed his cow. When he went to go feed it, it wasn't there. Why? They had ate it for dinner last night. A teenage boy forgot to feed his hamster. When he went to feed it, it wasn't there. Why? He spent so much time playing video games that it ate itself. So the boy had his mom make him a sandwich.

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So, my friend David hasn't always been the sharpest tool in the shed. After all, he is a spoon.

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A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office covered only in Saran Wrap. He asks the doctor, "The strip of metal teeth is missing from the box, so could I borrow your scissors?"

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what's worse than waiting 45 minutes in an amusement park ride? getting your penis chopped off.

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Remember when Jesse Ziegenbein was skinny? yeah niether do I

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A jew walks in the german bar, the jew is captured tortured, raped, and shot along with his entire family

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? After losing its family, the chicken had became an adrenaline junkie and enjoyed the rush of doing such dangerous things. It subsequently became addicted to opium.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown who the hell took a shit in my garden?

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What do you get when you have 5 Russians, a few 8 year olds, and guns? A kidnapping

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What is the difference between a fridge? I'm sorry, I have a severe mental disability and telling jokes is not... F'tang F'tang Zoop Pong Wii!

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What do call a fly with no legs? Dead

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A man commands his dog to sit. However, his dog is poorly trained, so does not.

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Why couldn't the kid eat his vegetables? His parents stabbed him...

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LUKE, I am your father... this is your mother, your parents dont love you so we've adopted you

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Why do children go to school? Because they have to learn.

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What worse than seeing a worm in your apple? Half a worm in your apple.

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Why did the black man get sent to prison? He had committed many crimes and was finally caught by the police.

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What's worse than hitting your thumb with a hammer? Getting your spine ripped off

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why do black people like lotion? because everybody else does.

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Why can Michael Jackson no longer moonwalk? because he's dead.

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whay did the monkey fall out of the tree? he was dead. why did the cat fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the monkey.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs skiing? Skip.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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