A baby seal walks into a club. The man holding the club skins him and makes a lot of money.

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What do you call a man with a limp? A limping man.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke....? A pig rolling in mud!

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What day is it? Asked the man with a gun who dislikes music. Friday. Mostly because yesterday was thursday and tomorrow is Saturday. Sunday comes afterwards also. The man says "oh. I thought it was Tuesday."

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If Alex Maitland reads this he is gay

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Q:Why did the Grape divorce the Prune? A:Because he was tired of Rasin kids! :D

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Nero7 How are you doing? This is "Eliza" I hope I will be joining, but I cannot reach you by phone, please respond ASAP time is running out.

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Why was King Triton mad at Ariel? Her grades were under the C.

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Q.sam is 18 years old, why can't she get her licence? A.because Sam is a lost dog on the street

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:( You are right Nero, I am terribly sorry, when I see you, I see the brightest man I have ever seen, should you ever turn against me and stop underestimating yourself, there is nothing I could do.

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What is 9+10? 19

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Why didn't the dog come to his master when it was called? It didn't have any legs.

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How do you blind an Asian man You stab him six times in each eye socket and drop cyan pepper in his eye wound.

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Q: Who would win in a fight, Chuck Norris, or a Tank? A: Chuck Norris, because his hidden fist in his chin gives him 3 fists to the tank's 0.

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How do you stop a drunk driver? With a minivan and family of four.

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What's worse than hitting your thumb with a hammer? Getting your spine ripped off

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what do you call balls on richards chin? a dick in his mouth

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Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Ele PHa n T

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Why did the girl cry when her boyfriend brought up the topic about rape? Because she was raped by her father as a child and it was a suppressed memory.

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Why did the chicken cross the traffic filled road? To get to your house. Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken delivery.

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What do you call a piece of celery with peanut butter on it? your moms dead

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What do Tom Cruise and Santa Claus have in common? They're both Tom Cruise.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because that's where the oncologist's office is.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops