Patient: Doctor Doctor! Every Time I Drink Some Tea, My Eye Is Really Sore! Doctor: Next Time Take The Spoon Out...

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Interrupting Pessimist. Interrupting Pessi- Slavery.

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to go well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that when his wife was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas, despite that the tank was full and she only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrendous car accident that caused the fuel to empty and catch fire. Mary survived but their 6 month old baby was killed.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because there was a hair in his burrito

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple ? Finding an apple in your worm !!! ... Wait, what ?

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SKnock Knock. Whose there? Why don't you open the door and find out instead of questioning the millions of other people that knock on your door everyday?

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What do you get when you cross a leopard and Chuck Norris? I don't know. Probably something like a furry yellow Chuck Norris with black spots and sharp teeth.

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what does wtf stand for? what? i was asking you!

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What do you call the black guy with a gun a ski mask on? Tyrone, because thats his name.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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who is 2 chainz? no one 2 chains is just 2 chains. spelled with an "s" not a "z"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why the fuck he crossed the road, I don't know what he is thinking.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen property that you should return immediately because the consequences of shop-lifting can prevent you from getting a good job and might land you in prison.

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Q: Why did the man eat the banana? A: Cuz he was hungry!

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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What is brown and sticky? Maple Syrup.

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why shouldn't you hit a black guy on a bike? Cause violence is against the law

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Why did the little boy throw his clock out of the window? After hours of searching for the snooze button to no avail, the little boy became so irritated at the incessant ringing of the alarm that he threw it out of his window in a fit of rage. The clock landed on an old woman who was walking twenty stories below. She was immediately killed on impact.

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A man walks into a bar. He buys something.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't get back up? She had no legs.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the kangaroo fall over? Because it fell over the dead koala

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violets are green roses are purple this makes total sense, cheeseburger

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A homeless guy walked up to me and said "Any change?", to which I replied, "Nope, your still homeless". We laughed and laughed. The he stabbed me.

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender suddenly runs out the door frantically yelling, "He's got a gun! He's got a gun!" Meanwhile, inside the bar, the patrons overpowered the gunman, tied him up and took his weapon and all the cash he had. They later used his money to buy more drinks at another bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops