How do you make a baby cry? You leave it unattended

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you make a bird drop a worm? Wring it's neck. P.S: If that anti-joke didn't persuade you to vote thumbs up for this post, then perhaps these delightful lyrics will convince you otherwise. I see them staring back at me They know my name The faces in the sky are looking for something more My friends have paper smiles and laugh at me in all my trials Their eyes are everywhere and see everything what do They need me And I need them See me And I see them Within The lines they've been burned in my mind It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow My pareidolia My friends have hollow eyes They're made of shapes and curvy lines Their eyes are everywhere and see everything what do They need me And I need them See me And I see them Within The lines they've been burned in my mind It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow [. From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/elena-siegman-lyrics/pareidolia-lyrics.html .] My pareidolia The loneliness is only missed when I am alone O yeah I might try to find my light tonight Hide my sight from eyes I try to fight My nine eyes of light die by the blight Ride white knight unite my plight tonight They're inside me They're inside me I'm inside out I'm inside out They're all around Within without Within without They're inside I'm outisde They're all around They're all around They're inside me I'm inside out They're all around Within without It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow My pareidolia la lalala lalala lalala lala

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the Russian take a boat ride? Well this isn't possible because we all know that in Soviet Russia, boat ride you.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did Oscar masturbate? He was on life support?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you get a black person out of a tree? You grab a ladder and help them down.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How many babies does it take to fill a ditch? Six if you pack them in really tight.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than having but sex and finding out you have aids? Knowing that the person you had sex with was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. After be told politely that Big Macs were served at McDonald's and not Burger King, Chuck walked out and drove to the nearest McDonald's.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what is the difference between a cow?? there is no difference, you can't make a comparison between different object when there is only one object beïng named.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why couldn't the man get up to obtain a beverage? His legs were broken.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the fat black man call the fatter white man. Because they were good friends and liked to talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than 20 babies stapled to one tree? One baby stapled to 20 trees.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's bigger than your penis? The Empire State Building.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's worse that finding a worm in your apple? Finding 2 worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why was the boy mad somebody was liking his foot

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: whats worse than a worm in an apple? A: being raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Two men walk into a bar. Seeing as the first man could have suffered a concussion, and been seriously hurt, The second man ducks to avoid also being hit by the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

a blond goes to high school and gets terrible grades. she then goes online and realizes that it's because she's blond. so she shaves all her hair of and went back to high school and got terrible grades... I guess the lesson in this is once a blond, always a blond. she then got bit from a rabid butterfly and died in a hole

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What is the difference between a dog and a North Korean tank. When I see a dog I think wow, what a cute dog. When I see a North Korean tank I run away screaming, as do many others, and I hope the marines come and save us.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

France never surrender.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

We were hooking up and her mom walked in, i stood up, apologized and left

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I'm Spartacus

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do u make a plumer cry? You kill his family!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

9/11.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops