Bob: The whale is a creature that isn't naturally capable of creating any kind of technologically advanced unit of operations? Spectator: Was that actually a question or a statement? Bob: To be candid, occasionally my mind registers the practically indelible impression that I am not competent enough to effectively articulate my relatively subtle thoughts of philosophical value. Spectator: What'd you attempt to explicate? Bob: Hello, contemporary. Spectator: That's definitely considerably better than, "Benevolent greeting to you, fellow indigenous inhabitants of the magnificant, planetary cynosure, Earth Prime." You've managed to improve! Bob: I shall try to emulate those simpletons of this planet in order to garner new allies. Maybe next time I should just stick with some traditional routines that many people currently practice on a daily basis. Now, it's time to examine some "test subjects" so to educate myself further on the nature of my numerous classmates, purported facillitators etc. Spectator: Bye. Bob: See you next time! Wow... I amaze myself with my ability to efficiently adapt to my circumstantial situations. I mean, I am a ninja student who has developed new skills at communication! Wait... nevermind. Bystander: man, were you just soliloquizing... and personally enjoying it? Bob: Ehhh,... No? Bystander: Was that a statement or a question?

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How do you kill a blonde? Repeatedly stab a knife into her jugular vein

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Knock Knock Who's there? Never mind, it's just an imaginary door anyway.

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What's the difference between a black man and a pizza? One's a black man and one's a pizza.

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What do you call an aircraft piloted by a Muslim extremist? The aircraft's brand name followed by its model number, in all likelihood.

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Why couldn't the baby walk through the door? Babies can't walk

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what color is blue? green

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What's a four letter word that ends with "rape"? Stop.

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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What did Batman Tell Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile

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1+1= 69

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What is the siilarity between Justin beiber and pinoccio? they both waant to be real boys

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There once was a man from Nantucket who secluded himself from the outside world because of a tragic event that happened to him as a child.

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So a seal walks into a club...

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What did the 5 year old girl ask Santa for Christmas? A pony.

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What do you do when you fall asleep? You sleep.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? STOLEN! You're under arrest.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? Answer: A Pilot

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shabalabadingdong JLR

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What do you get when you give a homeless man a sandwich? It thrown at the back of your head.

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Q. Whats the difference between watermelons and people? A. Watermelons don't smoke pot...

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Why was the man afraid of the cat? Because he is allergic to cats and might die if he gets too close to it.

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whats worse then falling on the ice? -getting raped by a blue whale

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A duck walks up to the lemonade stand. The man running the stand then smiles with a tear in his eye as he is reminded of when he and his now dead parents used to feed the ducks at a nearby lake every Sunday afternoon.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops