Last Christmas, I gave you my heart but your body rejected the transplant and you died.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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noodles

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Knock knock. Who's there? The landlord. You're being evicted.

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What did charles get his sister for christmas? Nothing, he's dead

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? Well that would be crude and insensitive to ask a person with dementia to do a task so easily performed by a person who is not non compos mentis.

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there is a man swimming in the ocean with a tree in the ground eating him up so , the cantelope asks the microwave where is the store the microwave says nothing because it is an inanimate object and cannot speak even though the cantelope can which is unfortunate

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-Why Peter is going to mall for buying some beer? -Because he was 18 and he was able to do it.

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Q:What type of cheese isn't yours? A:NACHO CHEESE!!!!!!!!!

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What is the difference between a monkey and a pig? A monkey doesn't snort drugs.

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What's the opposite of a joke. An anti-joke.

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You can throw a horse a Frisbee but you can't make him catch it

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A man walks into a room with a sly grin on his face, "Tom, have I got a joke to tell YOU!" Tom hurriedly shoos Susie into her bedroom and tells her to lock the door and not open it no matter what. Tom turns to the man, "I've told you twice before to never come back here, I'm beginning to think that you probably don't take what I say very seriously because you might have some sort of chemical imbalance or something in your head, or maybe you're obsessed with my family or something!" The man hangs his head in shame and agrees with Tom, but Tom still had to do something about the intruder so he called the cops. The cops took him to get psychologically analyzed, but Tom didn't know this because he only cared that his daughter Susie was safe and he also doesn't have access to the testing facility's records. Tom is an only father.

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What do you call something round and red that tastes like a tomato and shoots through walls? A Super Tomato. And what do you call a banana that shoots through walls? A banana trying to be a Super Tomato.

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What did the gay guy get for Christmas? AIDS

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Why didn't the blond walk into the bar? Because she saw 2 other people get hurt so she ducked

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What's green and goes "Kablowie!"? Probably nothing.

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Math problem: You have 50 candy bars and decide to eat 45. What do you have now? Diabetes.

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So a seal walks into a club...

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A duck walks into a bar and says he needs to buy a hammer. The bartender tells him that he's probably looking for the hardware store across the street. The duck realizes that he's disoriented again and should listen to his wife's many pleadings to get back on his medication.

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your mama smells so bad she should probably go take a shower.

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whens your birthday? July 16th What year? Every year

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why did the goose lay an egg? because it was pregnant .

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I rolled and evaded the bomb, I still was injured.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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