Why did the duck eat the fish? It needed protein.

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What's worse than hitting your thumb with a hammer? Getting your spine ripped off

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Was the last joke funny? Because this one isn't.

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What did Billy Mays eat for breakfast? nothing, he's dead.

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A blonde takes a math test it says find x? She circles x and puts there it is!

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what do michael Jackson and little boys do in the dark alone? they turn on the flashlight

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What did the black boy wear for Halloween? A costume.

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So there is a white guy and a jewish guy walking, they find a penny on the ground who takes it? The white guy because he is in debt.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpion

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What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says: Why the long face? The horse says: "My wife's dead."

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient ability. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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whats fat, green and hairy? Nothing I would pleasure myself to.

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A baby seal walks into a club. The man holding the club skins him and makes a lot of money.

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Why did the black man steal the mountain bike? He didn't. He purchased and payed for the mountain bike.

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What did the black man say to the other black man? Nothing, he was recently involved in a terrible car accident which he barely survived but lost the function of speech and was paralysed from the neck downwards. He is constantly in pain and desperately wants someone to kill him but has no way of communicating this so is forced to wait until his natural death.

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Q: what's wrong with this sentence? My dogs is running in the garden A: I don't have a garden

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Lindsay Lohan

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit.

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What do you call a black priest? Father, and then whatever his name happens to be.

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A boy called Justin bieber fell down a hole and died

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Why'd the gay man get fired from the sperm bank? He was repeatedly late to work.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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