what do you call Tim Tebow on a bike with a clown hat on? Tim, Mr. Tebow whatever you want

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Why did it take Da Vinci so long to paint the Sistine Chapel? Because it was painted by Michaelangelo.

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How do you catch a predator? You throw a beartrap at a child.

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I'd rather kill myself than commit suicide.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? I can't remember. I have amnesia from when I was hit by a bus as a child.

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What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, walls are inanimate things therefore it cannot talk.

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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"Hey, do you guys wanna hear a joke?!" -no, shut up.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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A dyslexic walks into church and asks the priest. "Father is there a dog."

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What do you call a black flying an airplane? A pilot you racist bastard.

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Why wasn't the black kid allowed in the school? Because it was the Southern United States in the 1930s and due to racial tensions at the time most public facilities were seperated by race.

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What do a squirrel and a grape have in common? They are both purple except for the squirrel.

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salad days!

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What's a Democrat's favorite activity? Blaming Republicans for shit they didn't do.

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Justin Beiber is a good singer

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What's worse than farting in front of your boyfriend? Farting on your boyfriends pillow and giving him pink eye.

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Why do black people like chicken? Because it's tasty, nutritious and easy to cook.

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How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops of vanilla ice cream and two scoops of dead baby.

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how long does it take chuck norris to watch a 24 hour video 24 hours

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A vulture gets on a transatlantic flight with a dead animal in each claw. The flight attendant stops him, and says "I'm sorry, sir, only one piece of carrion per passenger allowed"

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What do a worm and a human have in common? They both have arms and legs apart from the worm

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Why did the man put his money in the freezer? hes retarded.

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Q: What does a baby look like in a microwave? A: I don't know, I don't masturbate with my eyes open.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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